2009 in review

Wasn't it just yesterday that I was writing about last year's events and what our goals were as a family????

I can't believe how fast this year has gone.

But it has and 2010 is around the corner.

And we have so much to be thankful for this year.

January started out great!

We spent New Year's together (not sure what we did exactly), but I love knowing that I am with my husband on the first day of the new year.

At the end of January, I flew to Denver to get with my dad and drive to Casper for Moogie's first birthday. I was so glad that I got to be there for her very first birthday and celebrate it with my sister and dad. I also got to see some friends from high school (how I missed Jayme and Jason) It was amazing until it started to snow. We delayed leaving for a few days and by the time we left, we got stuck in Wheatland, Wyoming for a day and a half. I woke up on my 25th birthday, not sure if I was going to make it to Denver in time to fly out. But the roads opened just in time and even with my father's "grandpa driving" we made it just in time for me to make my plane to home. I arrived home to meet my husband and to be realize that I had the most amazing birthday... I got to spend it with the most important men in my life. I was so very blessed.

Tom had gone above and beyond when it came to my birthday and made if very romantic. <3

My mom also gave me my grandmother's earrings and a necklace that meant more to me than she will ever know. Tears still come to my eyes when I think about those gifts. Thanks Mom!

For Tom's birthday, in February, we celebrated with a family dinner at Chili's and just relaxing.

For Valentine's Day, I was surprised with breakfast in bed and a day of just relaxation. I was so happy that Tom surprised me with banana bread, orange juice, chocolates and flowers. I am a very lucky wife. *Thanks Mom, for helping.*

March came and went without a hitch.

Same with April, and May.

In June, I moved jobs once again to Land/Home Financial Services. Tom and I also took a trip to Salt Lake and Wyoming. We flew into Salt Lake and stayed a few nights with my grandparents, we wandered Temple Square and had an amazing dinner at the top of the Joseph Smith Building. We were going to go do baptisms in the Temple but because of ear infections, we couldn't, so we watched. We then rented a car (with the help of my grandparents, thanks again), named her Speedy (she wasn't very fast and had horrible gas mileage), and drove to Wyoming for the memorial service of my great Aunt Melba and my great uncle Wayne. It was a beautiful service and I was able to see a lot of family memebers I haven't seen in a while and everyone got to meet my wonderful husband. I am so thankful we got to go and say goodbye. I wish they could have met Tom.

In July, Tom, Lee and I discussed buying a condo and had actually signed papers for it, but because of unforseen circumstances, we chose not to go through with it. But Lee ended up going through with it and we are so excited for him!!!!

July and August just flew by as we prepared for the biggest moment in our marriage thus far.

September came and family arrived. It was such a blessing to have my grandparents, my sister and niece out here as Tom and I were sealed in the Oakland Temple for time and all eternity. We also celebrated our 1st year anniversary on the 6th. It was the most amazing experience. One I will never forget and am so blessed that we were able to be sealed together, not just for this life, but for eternity.

October came and I flew my mom to Vegas for a surprise 50th birthday party. I am so glad she had such a good time and am still a bit bummed we weren't there to share it with her.

At the end of October, my father eloped with his girlfriend, Kendra. What a month that was!

In November, we celebrated Thanksgiving with the Peaslee family in Petaluma and watched the Broncos play. It was such a wonderful time and of course Tom had to work on Black Friday. What a nightmare!!!! We also moved in with Tom's grandparents and are very happy staying there for now. We are giving ourselves 3-6 months to get into a new apartment.

In December, Tom and I, including his family, headed to Vegas to see Ben, Stacy and Champ. It was a wonderful 3 day vacaction and would do it again in a heartbeat!!!! I also started working at Bank of America as a customer service associate and LOVE it! I can't see what the future holds for me here.

This New Year's, we will be ringing it in, just the two of us at home.

We will continue to celebrate as my sister and my nieces are flying in from Wyoming tomorrow.

As for our resolutions from last year:

Tom and I were sealed in the Temple on September 5, 2009!!!!!!!
We have not started a family yet (and not from the lack of trying)

I have not lost any weight

I have a stable job

We have not saved any money (but we are starting to now)

So for this year my resolutions go as follows:

Lose 20 pounds by June and then another 20 by December

Put having family in God's hands

Have our own place by June

Save 3 months of our income

Go to Church every Sunday

Go to the Temple at least once a month

Have at least one date night a month

Get promoted at my job

I think these will do for now. Happy New Year everyone! I hope 2010 is better than 2009, no matter how great 2009 was, maybe 2010 be the best it can be.

Much love to you all!

Cass and Tom

impatient

CAN FRIDAY GET HERE ALREADY?!?!?!

I AM READY TO GO TO THE....

Cass' Christmas Wishlist

Christmas Wishlist

- the start of a gym membership to 24hour fitness

- gift certificate to Ikea

- a new down comforter

Brief update

I can't believe it is December already! I love this time of the year and am so blessed that it gets to start with the beginning of a new chapter in our lives.

Tom and I moved into his grandparent's house over the weekend. It was a long day (11 1/2 hours) but we got all moved in, unpacked and settled the first night. It was great. It has been an adjustment, but we love it here.

I start work on Monday and am getting nervous. I had first days- not knowing where to go, what to do, or what to expect- other than the next 6 weeks will be training. I am ready nonetheless to start working again. I have enjoyed the vacation but am starting to go stir crazy.

Tom is still busy at work, and I think he likes it like that.

We are more in love now than I ever thought possible. I feel so very lucky to have this man in my life. I simply can't wait to grow old with him!!!

Friday, we will be going to the Temple to see the lights and to attend a session and I am so excited about it! I feel so blessed that we are so very close to a Temple- 2 of them to be exact- that we can go just about anytime we choose to. It is an amazing feeling!!! We will go back on Saturday for "Behold the Light" and am excited to see it again this year.

Christmas will be spent in Las Vegas with Tom's family. His brother Ben, wife Stacy, unborn nephew (thats right!!!! we are having the first baby boy in April!!!!!), and Champ (the dog) live in Henderson and we will be visiting them. I am hoping to see my bestie while we are there as she lives only an hour or so away from there.

That is all for now.

XOXO

Writer's notes: Tonight, I need to vent. Tonight, I need to just write and so I find myself writing here. No need to worry- or to take it as a negative aspect of myself, but this is in fact my blog and you chose to read it. So please just know that this is just me getting out my feelings. Take it as you will. I am just tired of holding it in- and this- this is how I will let it all out. <3

This past month has been a roller coaster for me. I have had some pretty big ranges of emotions. Some I will go into detail here- others I won't. But know that my heart still feels like it is breaking. I feel like at any moment, I am going to burst into tears. I know that eventually (just like with all things) this will subside. But tonight, it is overwhelming.

Right before Tom and I got sealed in September, we thought we were pregnant. It was something I had been praying so hard about. I took a pregnancy test, it was positive. I was elated to say the least. The next day, I made a doctor's appointment. It was for Wednesday. I was going on my lunch. On Wednesday morning, I had started bleeding. By the time I went to the doctor's, it was heavy and clot like. I had what they called a chemical pregnancy. The egg has in fact been fertilized, but had failed to attach itself to the uterus. I was, to say the least, devastated. Just thinking that we were pregnant, had me attached to what we had made together, to what was going to be our baby. And in one instant it was gone. And it hurt so much. But, with the help of the Lord, and Tom, I picked myself back up and moved on. It was all I could do. I couldn't dwell, and everyone kept telling me that when it was God's plan to have a baby, we would. And I hate that. I know it will be in God's time, but please stop telling me to stop trying or to not worry about it. It is hard enough to not get pregnant when I want so badly to start a family, but to have people tell you to stop worrying about it and to stop trying. All our lives, we have been told that if we want something to try your hardest and you will succeed. But now I am being told differently. My brain and my heart just can't take it anymore.

At this point, I have left it to God. It still hurts and every blog I open and I see new babies or more people getting pregnant, it hurts. It hurts like hell. It is like a dagger into my heart. But there is nothing I can do about it. We will just wait. And we will just have faith. Because as of right now that is all we can do.

I lost my job at the end of October. And while it was a serious blow to my ego, I found another one within the week and have had a nice vacation of packing and getting ready to move in with Tom's grandparents.

We decided after much prayer and talking, that moving into the condo was not in the best interest of ourselves. Tom and I have never had much time together- just the two of us. We have always had a roommate and we believe now more than ever, we need to just be us. So we will stay with his grandparents until we are ready to go (no more than 6 months) and then we are going to spread our wings and fly.

After all of this happened, I found out my father eloped with his girlfriend Kendra. It was heartbreaking news to hear. I figured out he would want to share this most important occasion with his children, with his family. And while he made his decision, he lied. He betrayed me. I feel as though he has now chosen his new wife over his children. (And that is just how I feel.) I am not upset at who he married. I am not even mad that he eloped. I am mad that he lied. That he then berated me because she told him to. I am mad because since then I have yet to hear from him- not one word. I am hurt, heart broken and sad. I miss my daddy. The man I looked up to- the man who was my hero. But I feel like I no longer know my own father. I no longer know the man who used to put me on his shoulders, who used to let me fall asleep on his stomach, who used to give me bear hugs and tell me everything would be alright. I no longer know the man that after not hearing from me for a few days, would call or e-mail me because he was worried about me. I miss the man that was only a phone call away and always had some divine wisdom to tell me about how I was going to be ok or what to do. He is my father. He is still suppose to play a role in my life. Not the number 1 role, but a role... a role I feel he no longer plays at all and it kills me. I never thought I would ever be here.

I have now also found out what lying can do. It can literally tear apart a family. I am not just talking about my dad, but in all aspects. And I never thought that lies could be so devastating. I feel like I have lost a lot this past month. And I feel empty to be honest. I feel lost. I feel hopeless. And yes, I know this will all pass. And yes, I know it will all be ok.

After writing this out, I feel free. A bit lighter. A bit brighter.

There are no more tears to cry over what has happened.

I will move on tonight.

Because that is what we do.

We have to.

Mi tia

Today I am grateful for this woman....
This is my aunt. My godmother. My second mom. My role model. Fritzi (also known as Jennifer) has taught me so much. She has taught me about who I want to be. She has taught me about unconditional love. She has given without getting much in return. She has fought for a love that is so hard to come by. She has the most amazing soul and best laugh.

She has been my closest friend. And while she has been in South Africa these last six months, it has really taught me how much I really do love her and value our relationship. She is one of those people in my family I can go to at any time and express how I am feeling. She will listen and give her wisdom and advice. She has guided me when I have been in very rough patches and has never given up on me.

I am so very blessed to be so close to her. She truly is one of the most beautiful woman I know and I am so thankful to have her in my life. I don't know what I would do without her.

Fritz- I am sure I never tell you enough, but your love, support, encouragement and mere presence means more to me then I could ever express. Words would never do you or how I feel about you justice. You truly are a gift from God everyday of my life. I have really missed you the last six months, am glad you are home and am praying everyday that on the 24th, your dreams come true.

I love you. I am so very thankful for you. Te amo mucho mi tia.

My seester

Today I am grateful for:

Jenn has been my "sister" for as long as I can remember. It started back when my mom housed a bunch of drum corps kids and she just happened to be one of them. Then she moved in with us, and then I ran away to her dorm room and ever since she has been one of the closest people in my life.

I have always had a special bond with her. And she has always been there for me. I can always count on her to give me advice and to inspire me to be better. She is a fireman (one of the first in Wyoming), she is a teacher, a personal trainer and a gym instructor. She has always been extremely motivated and I hope that one day, I too can accomplish as much as she has. She has a faith in God unlike most. She strives to give back to those in need. And she has the most amazing heart.

Jenn is my sister. Maybe not by blood, but my heart. I am so thankful to have her in my life and apart of my family. She is simply amazing.

JennI- I don't know how many times I can thank you for all your love and support in my life. You have been such an amazing example to me and I thank God everyday for you and what you have given not only to me but to my family. You are one of a kind and I am blessed to call you my sister. I love you.

Besties for life...

Today- I am grateful for this lovely lady...

She is my best friend. The light of my world. We met 6 years ago during my sophomore year of college. We were both working for European Connection and just started to hang out. We instantly became inseparable and to this day, I can't imagine life without her.

We may live far away from each other now, but we have declared that one day we will live together (or at least next to each other) as old ladies, drinking lemonade and having a lot of little Howies running around. Howie was a dog we bought together from the pound. Along with the stars on our feet, we also have paw prints on our other foot to symbolize our "child." He is now living in Idaho in a great family and I know we miss him dearly.

This woman has been my rock. She has come out to see me in California and Denver. She has been there to pick me up when I am down. She drunk dials me and tells me what an amazing person I am, and even when I have made a fool of myself, she holds my hand and tells me it is ok. She is my sister that God forgot to give me. Either that or believed that our parents couldn't handle us together :)

We have such amazing memories of each other and I am so thankful for her friendship. For her unconditional love and for all of the times when she has been there. I would be lost without her and am so glad that even after all these years, she is still my bff, my bestie, my Ebba Kuenba.

I love you Ebba. You are the greatest best friend in the whole world and I can't wait to see you again. Thanks for everything you have done for me. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank God for meeting you. Miss you lovebug!

2 days

I have two days to make up for as Thomas and I have been busy packing and trying to get ready to move. It is such a scary transition, but we have a lot of support and we get to stay in our ward- which means I get to see my sunbeams every Sunday and continue to be in a ward that feels like home.

So I will catch up today... with two people I am grateful for.

These are two of the most important people in my life:

While we may have not always gotten along, these two have been a constant in my life. They are both so caring and loving and have always been there.

My sister, Molly, is such a strong woman. She has had quite a few trials in her life, but has overcome them with such amazing diligence, I am proud to call her my sister. I love her phone calls almost daily, and am quite sad when we go some time without talking. She gives me advice and I truly take it to heart. I love that we have our faith in common and that we can talk about it. It is something I hold very dear to my heart. She gave birth to the most beautiful niece in the world and is truly the strength of us kids. I love you Molls and am thankful for you everyday.

My baby brother is the comedian. Whenever, I need a laugh I know I can always count on him. I love hearing from him and miss him desperately. He has been one of my best friends for as long as I can remember and I wish we lived closer again. I miss our drives and our talks. I miss listening to Dave with you. I have such great memories of us. My brother is talented, sweet, loving and so caring and I am so blessed to have him in life.

Now I know we don't always get along, and we have all made mistakes. But you two give me so much happiness in my life. I don't tell you often enough, nor do I show it enough, but I love you and am so very thankful for what you bring to my life each and everyday.

Today and Always

Today, I am thankful for this man....

He is my best friend. The love of my life. My husband. It never fails that he can always make me smile. He always helps me see the bright side of things and has made me and my life amazing. I am so in love with him and continue to fall more in love with him everyday.

I am thankful that he chose me to marry and spend time and all eternity with me. He once asked me what the sweetest thing he has ever done and I replied, "You took me to the Temple." He helps me make my life better everyday.

Baby, I love you and am so blessed to have you in my life. I thank God (and my lucky stars) everyday for you. Thanks for being there and loving me unconditionally. You are amazing.

My mama!

Today, I am so thankful for this woman:She is my greatest supporter. She is one of my closest friends. And while sometimes we don't always see eye to eye, she is the one person (besides Tom) I know I can always call. She will always answer my calls, greet me at the door when I come over, and wipe my tears, either with words or with her hands. And she can always make me laugh.... "It's broken." "Jeff fafa...."

My mother is the strongest woman I know. She managed to raise 3 kids, but always had at least one more in the house. She worked. Cooked. Cleaned. And loved unconditionally. We went through our fair share of problems, but never did she give up on me. She only pushed me harder which pushed me further.
Each word of advice, each moment I have with her, each Oscar Meyer weiner song, is just another great memory I have of her. She is beautiful. She is one of a kind. And I am so thankful that God gave me her as my mother, as my friend and as my mentor on how I want to be when I grow up.

I love her so much... and I hope she knows it.

Thanks mom, for all you are, for all you have made of me, and for all you continue you to do, not just for me, but for all of us kids. I love you mucho!

Let's give thanks!

So I have been seeing this everywhere and have decided to do it as well... (I am such a copy-cat), but I really like this idea and think it is a great idea. So for the rest of November... everyday, I will post something that I am thankful for. And I challenge you to do the same. Whether it is in an e-mail or via your own blog, find something to be thankful for everyday.

Today I am thankful:

THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER DAY SAINTS

I am so thankful for the Gospel and for the Church. It has brought so much joy to my life and has taught me how to really rely on God. It has helped me in my marriage and in making my life the life I have always wanted. I couldn't imagine life without it.

Thomas and I got the opportunity to speak with the Bishop today. These are moments that are few and far between (we talk mostly to his counselors) but tonight was overwhelming with love and with the Spirit. I realized how amazing it has been since I became a member and how my life has really changed because of my faith and because of the Gospel. It really has been the biggest blessing in my life and it is the one thing I am the most grateful for.

I am grateful for all the Church has to offer and all the things that it has brought into my life.

XOXO

story of our love

Its all about faith....

On Tuesday, I lost my job.

By Friday, we no longer had a condo.

By Monday, the bank that owns the condo told us we can once again purchase the condo.

And by Tuesday, I had a job again.

Tom attests it to paying tithing. I believe it was from the abundance of prayers and love that showered us.

I just wanted to say thank you for all of your prayers and for all those who thought of us. We are so very grateful.

I will start working at Bank of America on December 7th and am so excited to have a month vacation. :)

Tom is still working.

We are getting ready to move.

And we are excited for the holidays.

The weather is getting chilly. And the leaves are starting to fall.

This is my favorite time of the year.

And I am sharing it with the most amazing man in the world.

That Your Burdens May Be Light

After this week I have learned so much about leaning on God to get me through the hopelessness and fear I have felt this week.

I lost my job this week. We weren't able to complete the transaction on our first home. A few more issues and I just felt like it was too much. And then I remembered: With God nothing shall be impossible. Then I remembered, General Conference. Elder L. Whitney Clayton spoke on Burdens. And so tonight- I listened to it again... and read it again. And learned. And felt at peace. We are going to be just fine. God is going to provide and He will always carry us when we are struggling. I am so thankful for the Gospel. For my husband. For the love he has for me and the strength he gives me. I love him so much.

Here is Elder Clayton's talk... after you will find a quote from a blog that I read tonight that just fit so perfectly.

"Many years ago I walked at dawn through the narrow cobblestone streets of Cusco, Peru, high in the Andes Mountains. I saw a man from a local indigenous group walking down one of the streets. He was not a big man physically, but he carried an immense load of firewood in a huge burlap sack on his back. The sack seemed to be as big as he was. The load must have weighed as much as he did. He steadied it with a rope that looped under the bottom of the sack and circled up around his forehead. He gripped the rope tightly on both sides of his head. He kept a rag on his forehead underneath the rope to keep it from cutting into his skin. He leaned forward under his burden and walked with deliberate, difficult steps.

The man was carrying the firewood to the marketplace, where it would be sold. In an average day he might make just two or three round-trips across the town to deliver similarly awkward, heavy loads.

The memory of him bent forward, struggling down the street has become increasingly meaningful for me with the passage of years. How long could he continue to carry such burdens?

Life presses all kinds of burdens on each of us, some light but others relentless and heavy. People struggle every day under burdens that tax their souls. Many of us struggle under such burdens. They can be emotionally or physically ponderous. They can be worrisome, oppressive, and exhausting. And they can continue for years.

In a general sense, our burdens come from three sources. Some burdens are the natural product of the conditions of the world in which we live. Illness, physical disability, hurricanes, and earthquakes come from time to time through no fault of our own. We can prepare for these risks and sometimes we can predict them, but in the natural pattern of life we will all confront some of these challenges.

Other burdens are imposed on us by the misconduct of others. Abuse and addictions can make home anything but a heaven on earth for innocent family members. Sin, incorrect traditions, repression, and crime scatter burdened victims along the pathways of life. Even less-serious misdeeds such as gossip and unkindness can cause others genuine suffering.

Our own mistakes and shortcomings produce many of our problems and can place heavy burdens on our own shoulders. The most onerous burden we impose upon ourselves is the burden of sin. We have all known the remorse and pain which inevitably follow our failure to keep the commandments.

No matter the burdens we face in life as a consequence of natural conditions, the misconduct of others, or our own mistakes and shortcomings, we are all children of a loving Heavenly Father, who sent us to earth as part of His eternal plan for our growth and progress. Our unique individual experiences can help us prepare to return to Him. The adversity and afflictions that are ours, however difficult to bear, last, from heaven’s perspective, for “but a small moment; and then, if [we] endure it well, God shall exalt [us] on high.”¹ We must do everything we can to bear our burdens “well” for however long our “small moment” carrying them lasts.

Burdens provide opportunities to practice virtues that contribute to eventual perfection. They invite us to yield “to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and [put] off the natural man and [become] a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and [become] as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon [us], even as a child doth submit to his father.”² Thus burdens become blessings, though often such blessings are well disguised and may require time, effort, and faith to accept and understand. Four examples may help explain this:

• First, Adam was told, “Cursed shall be the ground for thy sake,” which meant for his benefit, and “by the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread.”³ Work is a continual burden, but it is also a continual blessing “for [our] sake,” for it teaches lessons we can learn only “by the sweat of [our] face.”
  
  
• Second, Alma observed that the poverty and “afflictions [of the poor among the Zoramites] had truly humbled them, and that they were in a preparation to hear the word.”⁴ He added, “Because ye are compelled to be humble blessed are ye.”⁵ Our economic challenges may help prepare us to hear the word of the Lord.
  
  
• Third, because of the “exceedingly great length of [their] war,” many Nephites and Lamanites “were softened because of their afflictions, insomuch that they did humble themselves before God, even in the depth of humility.”⁶ Political unrest, social disorder, and, in some areas of the world, modern Gadianton robbers may humble us and motivate us to seek heavenly shelter from societal storms.
  
  
• Fourth, Joseph Smith was told that the terrible things he suffered for years at the hands of his enemies would “give [him] experience, and . . . be for [his] good.”⁷ The suffering we experience through the offenses of others is a valuable, though painful, school for improving our own behavior.

Further, bearing up under our own burdens can help us develop a reservoir of empathy for the problems others face. The Apostle Paul taught that we should “bear . . . one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.”⁸ Accordingly, our baptismal covenants require that we should be “willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; yea, and [be] willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort.”⁹

Keeping our baptismal covenants helps relieve our own burdens as well as those of burdened souls we serve.¹⁰ Those who offer such assistance to others stand on holy ground. In explaining this, the Savior taught:

“When saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink?

“When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee?

“Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?

“And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”¹¹

Through it all, the Savior offers us sustaining strength and support, and in His own time and way, He offers deliverance. When Alma and his followers escaped from the armies of King Noah, they established a community named Helam. They began to till the ground, build buildings, and prosper.¹² Without warning, an army of the Lamanites brought them into bondage, and “none could deliver them but the Lord their God.”¹³ That deliverance, however, did not come immediately.

Their enemies began to “put tasks upon them, and put taskmasters over them.”¹⁴ Although they were threatened with death for praying,¹⁵ Alma and his people “did pour out their hearts to [God]; and he did know the thoughts of their hearts.”¹⁶ Because of their goodness and their obedience to their baptismal covenants,¹⁷ they were delivered in stages. The Lord said to them:

“I will . . . ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that . . . you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.

“And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.

“And it came to pass that so great was their faith and their patience that the voice of the Lord came unto them again, saying: Be of good comfort, for on the morrow I will deliver you out of bondage.”¹⁸

Mercifully, the Son of God offers us deliverance from the bondage of our sins, which are among the heaviest of all the burdens we bear. During His Atonement He suffered “according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance.”¹⁹ Christ “suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent.”²⁰ When we repent and keep the commandments, forgiveness and relief from our burdened conscience come with the help that only the Savior offers, for “surely, whosoever repenteth shall find mercy.”²¹

I remember that man in Peru, hunched over and struggling to carry that enormous sack of firewood on his back. For me, he is an image of us all as we struggle with the burdens of life. I know that as we keep the commandments of God and our covenants, He helps us with our burdens. He strengthens us. When we repent, He forgives us and blesses us with peace of conscience and joy.²² May we then submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord, I pray in the name of Jesus Christ, amen."

I got this off of another blog, but it fits so perfectly:

"From this experience I learned that somebody does want to hold my hand. Somebody does notice me. And that somebody is not only Tom but Jesus Christ, our Savior. When we are struggling and feel like we have many burdens to carry, Jesus Christ is there. If we have our hand ready he will guide us through the hardest trials and tribulations for he has suffered many more than us. Then when he feels he has lead us a good deal of the way he may slowly release his hand from ours, but he won't leave us, he will never leave us! He will always be right there dancing beside us, ready to catch us if we fall. He may let us off on our own, but he won't leave us alone."

What a blessing it is to know that Christ is always there. And with Him and through Him, Tom and I will be great. We are great. We have a home and food and clothes and it will be ok. I am so thankful for our families. They are so supportive and loving. It means so much to me.

2 years ago.

Two years ago... the love of my life:

Asked me:

To be his FOREVER!

I love him more today than I did yesterday and will love him more tomorrow than today. I am complete with this man. And I couldn't think of anything better than to wake up next to him.

I know there have already been rough times in our short life together, but as long as you and I have each other, we will make it through anything.

You are my soul mate, my best friend, my love. I am so glad you took the chance to meet me and took an ever bigger leap of faith when you asked me to marry you. You never cease to amaze me with your words, your gestures or your selflessness. Thank you for all you are. For all you have been. For all you make of me.

I am so very blessed.

XOXO

Your loving wife.

P.S.

This is the cutest girl alive... my niece Morgan aka Moogie! How I love her! Thanks Molls for bringing her into this world. She truly is such a blessing to all of us. I can't wait to see you guys again! Love you Moogie!

Patience... what a virtue.

I love it when I am taught a lesson. Or am being taught a lesson. It makes me realize how loved and blessed I truly am to have Heavenly Father spend time on me teaching me things that I need.

I am reading a lot about patience. It seems to be an underlying theme throughout much of the Bible and Book of Mormon. To quote Elder Oaks in an article in Liahona:

"... “charity suffereth long.” That is what patience is all about. Charity “is not easily provoked” is another aspect of this quality, as is charity “beareth all things.” And finally, charity “endureth all things” is certainly an expression of patience (Moroni 7:45). From these defining elements it is evident that without patience gracing our soul, we would be seriously lacking with respect to a Christlike character.

In the Bible Job offers the classic portrait of patience. In the face of losing his vast empire, including his children, Job was able, because of his unfailing faith, to proclaim, “The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” Through all of his tribulation and pain, “Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly” (Job 1:21–22).

How often do we hear oppressed souls ask foolishly, “How could God do this to me?” when really they should be praying for strength to “beareth” and “endureth all things.”

The greatest scriptural examples of patience are found in the life of Jesus Christ. His long-suffering and endurance are best demonstrated on that excruciating night in Gethsemane as He uttered, in His atoning agony, “O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt” (Matthew 26:39). He truly suffered and bore and endured all things.

While nailed to the cross on Calvary, Christ continued in His perfect example of patience as He uttered the singular words, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34).

These examples of patience have greater meaning for us when we consider the admonition found in 3 Nephi: “Therefore, what manner of men ought ye to be? Verily I say unto you, even as I am” (3 Nephi 27:27).

Several scriptures highlight the importance of patience. Let me mention a few:

“Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath” (James 1:19).

“Nevertheless the Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yea, he trieth their patience and their faith” (Mosiah 23:21).

In Mosiah, King Benjamin instructs us that we will be a natural-man enemy of God until we yield to the enticings of the Holy Ghost through our patience, plus other virtues (see Mosiah 3:19).

Joseph Smith stated, “Patience is heavenly” (History of the Church, 6:427)."

I find myself struggling with patience everyday. At my job, in my home but more importantly with my inability to get pregnant. I am simply not patient. I want it now. On my terms. Yet, God is teaching me ever so slowly that everything in life is on His terms not mine. There is a reason he is having us wait. Maybe it is because we are about to move and become more financially stable. Maybe it is because Tom and I just got sealed and our still finding our ground in our marriage. Maybe it is because my mother is right and we should wait. Yet, this agonizing pain of wanting to be a mother has yet to subside. I try and not worry about it, think about, hurt about it... but I can honestly say I have never wanted anything more than I want to be a mother. And when I see, what seems to be everyone around me getting pregnant, it breaks my heart. I want to be happy for those that have received this amazing blessing, but I just cry. Don't get me wrong... I am so happy for them, but it just hurts that I have yet to receive this same blessing. I watch on tv, these moms with bellies, or giving birth, or those who didn't know they were pregnant (love this show) and I yearn to have the belly, the kicking inside, the backache and uncomfortableness of being pregnant. I want to hold my own flesh and blood in my arms and look into it's eyes for the first time and feel this love that everyone explains as being the most amazing love you have every felt. I want to change dirty diapers and help them up when they fall. I want to lay down rules and see what it was my parents experienced with me. I want it all. And yet, here we are, a year and a month of trying, baby-less.

And so, I will fast and pray for understanding. Not to get pregnant, but for understanding as to why we are waiting. I will go to the Temple in search of answers and patience. I will strive to be more patient and understand that there is a time and place for everything. And I know that Heavenly Father will bless us with a family. We may just have to wait longer than I wanted. And that's ok.

Lots of love

My signature

I finally figured out how to get my signature on here... :)

So here it is!

Which one do you like better?