These last two days have been the worst.
I'm angry.
Really angry.
I'm hurting.
Physically.
Mentally.
Emotionally.
I wanted my mom.
I wanted her support.
I needed her support.
Instead, I have realized that she is a trigger.
Our relationship is a trigger.
A trigger to use.
A trigger to get angry.
To be upset.

Am I not allowed to speak how I feel?
Am I supposed to bottle it all up?
Am I just supposed to just let it fester?

It is time to be selfish for a while.
I'm going to take care of me.
And I have all the support in the world.

Today was family/friends day.
My mother-in-law, father-in-law and husband all came.
They had a group without me
And then one with me.
My MIL afterwards said to me,
"I want to come to your NA meetings with you. I want to understand and to help you find your triggers."
My heart melted.
I feel better.
Less hurt.

My brother came in from Colorado.
To have him hug me, support me.
Even though I only saw him for two and a half hours.
It really meant so much to me.

So tonight, I sit back, relax.
Remember tomorrow is a new day.
And I am ok.