Day 11 Anger Assignment

Today is day 11.
I have been clean and sober for 11 days.
And most of the time, I feel great.
But at the same time-
I have never been more confused as to who I am.
I think part of my abusing my medication was to hide.
From what?
From who?
I don't know.
All I know is I want to be happy.

Anger has been a constant for me.
I am angry that my family split up.
I am angry that I don't have a home to go home to (I am not homeless, just after my parent's divorce and they sold the house, I have felt like I don't have a home to go home to).
I am angry that my mother refuses to be there for me- time and time again.
Even though she promised she would be.
I AM JUST FLAT OUT ANGRY.

It is part of the process of grieving.
I am starting a new life.
Saying goodbye to an old one and starting anew.
And I am weeding out my thistles and thorns.
And slowly but surely, I am finding my way back to the light.

My second assignment is on Anger.

Please complete this assignment and share in your small group. Please be as honest as you can in your responses. Be sure to complete each list as requested.

1. What has caused you the most pain and discomfort in your life? List ten items.
1. Being raped.
2. My mother not believing I was raped.
3. My parents divorce.
4. Losing my dogs when my parents divorced.
5. Hurting my husband by being an addict.
6. Hurting my grandparents when I lived with them (both sets of them)
7. Disappointing my dad too many times.
8. My mother's inability to love me the way I want/need her to.
9. Losing a child because of my choices.
10. Being neglected by my mother during personal achievements.


2. What makes you feel angry? List ten items.
1. My addiction.
2. My ability to self sabotage.
3. My mother talking horribly about my father.
4. People who don't follow through on promises.
5. Not being able to get pregnant.
6. Not finishing school.
7. I always wear my heart on my sleeve.
8. Not knowing who I am.
9. Having mental disorders.
10. My family being hypocritical.

3. Describe how your own anger feels.
It feels deep and dark. Hidden from the world. And ready to let go.

4. If your anger were a wild animal or some other metaphor, which one would it be? Why?
A wild horse, not ready to be bridled, so it bucks and runs faster the more someone tries to tame it.

5. What does compassion mean to you?
Compassion means doing something nice, kind, loving, without having expectation of it being returned.

6. How do you show compassion to others?
I listen without judgement, I help others when needed, I love without condition.

7. Name people in your life who have shown you compassion.
My Heavenly Father, Jesus, my mother in law, my best friend, my aunts (mi Tia especially), my Myia, my Pa, my Nina, my Don, my father in law, my husband, my uncles, my daddy, my brothers, my sisters, my niece and at times even my mother.

8. List ten qualities you like about yourself.
1. I love my red hair.
2. I think I am funny.
3. My loyalty.
4. My love for music
5. My faith
6. My determination (you tell me I can't do it, I will just to prove you wrong)
7. My people skills
8. My love to learn
9. My ability to forgive
10. My ability to be a true friend, I am someone people can always count on to be there when they need a shoulder.



Surprisingly, this was hard. I had to search and distinguish the difference between pain and anger. Maybe you can try and do this yourself. I am learning so much about myself. I am so glad I decided to listen to my husband and do this. I love that he had prayed about it and was able to receive revelation. I love that my husband holds the Priesthood and the power it contains. I love that my husband can give me blessings and that I am filled with so much calmness, love and understanding. It made such a difference in me making the decision to go to this program.

I have also come to this conclusion. Anger- no matter what type it is or who it is directed at- controls you. It can, if you let it, control every aspect of your life. It can destroy you. I have made a conscious decision to no longer let anger control me. More importantly, the anger towards my mother. The more anger I have, the more control she has over me. I am done being angry. Her lack of support in this process (she has not called me once since I have been in treatment) had me so angry that all I wanted to do was go get loaded. And ruin the last 11 days. Instead, I am no longer empowering her. If she does not want to get to know me, if she does not want to love me for who I am without trying to change me, if she doesn't support my decisions in life- then she will not be apart of my life. I even wanted to write her a letter to express how angry I am at her. In doing so, I would only put her in more control and that is what our whole relationship has been about... control. Well- that is now over. Through meditation, prayer, journaling, and therapy, my anger will slowly disappear as will the control she has over me.

So today ends with a new beginning in site.


And only 4 more days till I get to see my daddy and my step-mom! I can't wait!