36 and getting higher

Day 36

Not much has happened in the last 7 or so days. We celebrated Tom's birthday and I got him tickets to Linkin Park. He deserved to go and have some fun after the last 4 or so months. So Tuesday, he will be going with his little brother to the concert in San Jose. I hope he has a blast! I can't wait to hear all about it when he gets home!

I got a sponser. Her name is Wendee. She has been in recovery for 22 years. She is very understanding and has some great advice to offer. I am really enjoying knowing that I am not the only one going through this. Sometimes it feels really lonely. But everyday is getting better and I am getting stronger.

I can't believe this started over a month ago and how far I have come since then. I have been going to groups and then to meetings. My life is busy because I have started back to work. I have really missed work as hard as that may be to believe. I feel like I am accomplishing something. And that makes a difference in my self-worth. I am hoping over the next few months- to really show my boss how dedicated I am to this job. I really want to move up.

I have also started to prepare for college again. Next semester I will go back. Now it is just a matter of where I will go. I just got my transcripts from the University of Utah. I can't wait to get started. My whole life is changing and I am really loving the change that is coming.

Wednesday and Thursday, my grandmother's celebrated their birthdays. I can't tell you how thankful I am that they were born. They both mean so much to me. Their wisdom and unconditional love inspires me to do so many things. I can't wait to make them proud(er) and be the best granddaughter. They deserve that. I sure do miss them so much. I love you both so much! Thank you for always being there.

I am doing great. The support I get from my MIL is amazing. She comes to family group every night. We are reading a book together and discussing it as often as we can. We are really opening up to each other and I have found a friend in her too. She isn't just my MIL. She is my friend, my confider, and my spiritual mother. I have learned so much about the Church and about the role of a woman in the Church and how important that role is. Victoria has such a wonderful spirit and she just lights up when she talks about it. I find myself in awe of her, her determination, and her ability to want to change to make herself better.

I really am trying to find positive things about what has happened over the last few months, and I think one of them is my relationship with God, my MIL and my husband have grown tremdously. I feel like I am the luckiest girl in the world. I am trying to rebuild myself and only the good parts to shine through. It hasn't been easy, but I am doing it. I am doing it for me. For my husband. For my God. I am happy. I getting happier everyday. I am proud of myself. I am doing better than I have in a long time. I am going to make the best of this time- of this treatment.

They say it takes between 7-10 years to fully recover, even though it will be a life long battle. I am taking it on full force and will beat this thing. My cravings are few and far between. My mood is mostly happy. My heart is slowly mending itself and I am moving away from the past. However, I know that I will deal with it once again when I start working the steps. I will start that after 30 days with my sponser.

Well its time to go.

XOXO