Trying

For those of you who didn't know (and that's the majority of you), the last 8 months, Thomas and I have been trying to conceive.  Unfortunately, we have been unsuccessful.  We've had mixed reviews from people in our lives.  We have had people that are so supportive and excited for this new chapter in our lives.  We've had people tell us that we could do it, and that they would help us with the process.  We've had those tell us to wait, to live our lives, and then have children.  And then we've had those who have straight up told us they want nothing to do with us if we get pregnant.  

Now, I get the first two.  If God's will was for us to have a baby today, no amount of birth control would prevent Him from giving us a child- and I am sure we would do just fine.  And for whatever reason, God's plan has decided we need to wait and we will wait and continue to try.  And pray, that when it is God's time, that He will give us such a blessing.  

I get that we have the rest of our lives, and that babies are expensive and that we need to live our lives.  We understand ALL of that!  But our whole purpose on this earth is to bear His children, and we want that more than anything right now!  Don't think for one second that we haven't thought about what it would take.  We have!  We also know, that once we find our we are pregnant, we have 9 months to plan and prepare for our child.  

For those of you who do not or will not support this decision, that is up to you.  We will not pack our bags and move.  We will do with what we have and cut back on things if that's what it takes, but just like our parents and their parents, we will make it.  Your love and support would be appreciated but no amount of threats or disapproval will change how we feel- we want a family.

I think the worst part for me is that, the people I wish were here to console us as we struggle with conceiving are no where to be found.  Each month, it has been a stab in the heart when we find out that once again, we are not having a baby to call ours.  I have never been more disappointed or heartbroken.  I feel let down.  

BUT!!!  I know that God has continued to bless us.  I know that when He is ready He will bless us with one of His own.  We continue to rely on Him to get us through this.  And as we all know, it is done in His time... not our own.

In the meantime, Thomas and I are doing wonderful!  We are looking forward to our trip to Salt Lake and then to Wyoming in June.  I am so very excited!  Work is keeping both of us busy!  It is truly a blessing.  We are still preparing for the Temple in September.  My diet coke intake in minimal :) and things just continue to get better. We have Temple Prep every Sunday and I have met some fantastic people.  I am so very thankful to have people in our Ward we can become friends with.  It makes things so much easier.  We are still looking for a house.  With Lee starting school, we weren't sure if it was going to happen, but I just found out we may be able to use our tax credit as a down payment.  *crosses fingers*

That is all for now.  Hope all is well with you!