My Conversion Story

Growing up, I spent 3 or 4 summers with my grandparents in Salt Lake. During this time in my life, I was starting to struggle with quite a few aspects of my teenage life and my Nina made it clear that while I was staying there I had to go to church. Now it didn't matter which church I went to, she would go with me, but I had to go. She knew I needed God in my life. So I went to her church with grandpa. They are Latter Day Saints (aka Mormons). I investigated the church until I was about 15 and then left for selfish reasons and started to really head down the wrong path in my life.

My teenage years were full of anguish for me. Turmoil. Sadness. And just trying to belong. How much different my life would have been had I continued to investigate the church and make the right decisions in my life? My mom would not let me get baptized until I was 18 and by that time, I was so far away from God- I didn't even know where to look.

After a very unhealthy relationship, and broken relationships with my grandparents, and my self image being torn down to the very last shred, I was at rock bottom. I was drinking often, smoking pot and just trying to forget my past and the pain I was feeling. The pain stemmed from long ago and just grew to be anger- against myself and against those who I thought should have been there, but weren't. I pitted family members against themselves and hurt those I loved the most by my actions. At one point, my grandfather told me that I had no integrity.

Then I met my husband. And his family. Each of them carrying a light that was so bright- and I wanted it. As Tom and I got more serious (3 weeks into our relationship haha) I decided we needed to go to church- any church. I knew I needed God in my life and so I decided to start with the LDS church (Tom was inactive at the time). We found a ward (it wasn't in our area- we just went) and the talk was on happiness and that the only way to get there was to follow the Gospel and to be obedient. The moment sacrament was over, I called the missionaries. They hopped on their bikes and rode directly to my house to give me Book of Mormon and to set up our first missionary discussion. I knew this was the answer to my prayers. On October 31st, I took my first discussion. Soon after, I called my grandparents, who once had been so close to me, and whom I hadn't spoken with in over two years, to forgive me. I told them I was joining the church and that I wanted my grandfather to baptize me. They made the trek out here and on December 11th (the same day my sister was baptized in the church) I became a member. And my heart was full. I felt forgiven for all of my past mistakes and for the first time in my life, I was truly happy. And I had the best missionaries ever! The "Bickersons" is what we called them. And I am so glad that one of them was able to be there for our sealing. What a treat for him! I miss them so- but am glad that we are able to keep in touch even with the seas parting us! Thanks Elders for all you did for me. You changed my life. I love you! ALL 4 of you!

For the next year, Tom and I worked hard together to prepare ourselves for being sealed in the Temple. A year after we were married, we were sealed together for time and all eternity and it was the most beautiful experience in my life. Going to the Temple brings such peace and comfort to me. I know that here, God is taking me in His arms and hugging me so tightly. I finally had the light.

But don't get me wrong. It has been a tough road. I still have a tough time with saying no to temptation. I still fumble and fall- but that is what is so great about the Atonement. It allows us to be human and make mistakes. Right now, I am fixing some mistakes I have made. Mistakes that were unbecoming of a church member. And this will be a long road. But a road I am willing to travel with my whole heart, because I know this is where I belong.

Two weeks ago, Tom and I were in SLC, and we were walking on Temple Square. The moment I walked onto the Square, I felt such peace. It was exactly what I needed. God reminded me how much I need Him and He put His arms around me and squeezed. I felt like all my burdens had been lifted off my shoulder. The next few months to a year are going to be full of challenges. Satan is going to try his best to defeat me because he knows my weaknesses. Thankfully I have the most amazing husband in the world, two amazing grandparents that guide me and a wonderful family that will help me get back on the right track and stay there.

Last night, as I was driving to my in-laws for dinner- I decided to listen to one of the conference talks. And it was exactly what I needed to hear at that very moment. Man, I love how God speaks to us. It can be so subtle or it can be a loud scream in our ear. This was a loud whisper into my ear:

“Repent . . . That I May Heal You”
Elder Neil L. Andersen
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

My brothers and sisters, it has been six months since my call to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. To now serve with men who have long been my examples and teachers remains a very humbling experience. I deeply appreciate your prayers and sustaining vote. For me, this has been a time of fervent prayer, of earnestly seeking the acceptance of the Lord. I have felt His love in sacred and unforgettable ways. I testify that He lives and that this is His holy work.

We love President Thomas S. Monson, the Lord’s prophet. I will forever remember his kindness as he extended my call last April. At the conclusion of our interview, he opened his arms to embrace me. President Monson is a tall man. As he wrapped his long arms around me and pulled me close, I felt like a little boy being held in the protective arms of a loving father.

In the months since that experience, I have thought of the Lord’s invitation to come unto Him and to spiritually be wrapped in His arms. He said, “Behold, [my arms] of mercy [are] extended towards you, and whosoever will come, him will I receive; and blessed are those who come unto me.”1

The scriptures speak of His arms being open,2 extended,3 stretched out,4 and encircling.5 They are described as mighty6 and holy,7 arms of mercy,8 arms of safety,9 arms of love,10 “lengthened out all the day long.”11

We have each felt to some extent these spiritual arms around us. We have felt His forgiveness, His love and comfort. The Lord has said, “I am he [who] comforteth you.”12

The Lord’s desire that we come unto Him and be wrapped in His arms is often an invitation to repent. “Behold, he sendeth an invitation unto all men, for the arms of mercy are extended towards them, and he saith: Repent, and I will receive you.”13

When we sin, we turn away from God. When we repent, we turn back toward God.

The invitation to repent is rarely a voice of chastisement but rather a loving appeal to turn around and to “re-turn” toward God.14 It is the beckoning of a loving Father and His Only Begotten Son to be more than we are, to reach up to a higher way of life, to change, and to feel the happiness of keeping the commandments. Being disciples of Christ, we rejoice in the blessing of repenting and the joy of being forgiven. They become part of us, shaping the way we think and feel.

Among the tens of thousands listening to this conference, there are many degrees of personal worthiness and righteousness. Yet repentance is a blessing to all of us. We each need to feel the Savior’s arms of mercy through the forgiveness of our sins.

Years ago, I was asked to meet with a man who, long before our visit, had had a period of riotous living. As a result of his bad choices, he lost his membership in the Church. He had long since returned to the Church and was faithfully keeping the commandments, but his previous actions haunted him. Meeting with him, I felt his shame and his deep remorse at having set his covenants aside. Following our interview, I placed my hands upon his head to give him a priesthood blessing. Before speaking a word, I felt an overpowering sense of the Savior’s love and forgiveness for him. Following the blessing, we embraced and the man wept openly.

I am amazed at the Savior’s encircling arms of mercy and love for the repentant, no matter how selfish the forsaken sin. I testify that the Savior is able and eager to forgive our sins. Except for the sins of those few who choose perdition after having known a fulness, there is no sin that cannot be forgiven.15 What a marvelous privilege for each of us to turn away from our sins and to come unto Christ. Divine forgiveness is one of the sweetest fruits of the gospel, removing guilt and pain from our hearts and replacing them with joy and peace of conscience. Jesus declares, “Will ye not now return unto me, and repent of your sins, and be converted, that I may heal you?”16

Some listening today may need “a mighty change [of] heart”17 to confront serious sins. The help of a priesthood leader might be necessary. For most, repenting is quiet and quite private, daily seeking the Lord’s help to make needed changes.

For most, repentance is more a journey than a one-time event. It is not easy. To change is difficult. It requires running into the wind, swimming upstream. Jesus said, “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross and follow me.”18 Repentance is turning away from some things, such as dishonesty, pride, anger, and impure thoughts, and turning toward other things, such as kindness, unselfishness, patience, and spirituality. It is “re-turning” toward God.

How do we decide where our repentance should be focused? When a loved one or friend suggests things we need to change, the natural man in us sometimes pops up his head and responds, “Oh, you think I should change? Well, let me tell you about some of your problems.” A better approach is to humbly petition the Lord: “Father, what wouldst Thou have me do?” The answers come. We feel the changes we need to make. The Lord tells us in our mind and in our heart.19

We then are allowed to choose: will we repent, or will we pull the shades down over our open window into heaven?

Alma warned, “Do not endeavor to excuse yourself in the least point.”20 When we “pull the shades down,” we stop believing that spiritual voice inviting us to change. We pray but we listen less. Our prayers lack that faith that leads to repentance.21

At this very moment, someone is saying, “Brother Andersen, you don’t understand. You can’t feel what I have felt. It is too difficult to change.”

You are correct; I don’t fully understand. But there is One who does. He knows. He has felt your pain. He has declared, “I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands.”22 The Savior is there, reaching out to each of us, bidding us: “Come unto me.”23 We can repent. We can!

Realizing where we need to change, we sorrow for the sadness we have caused. This leads to sincere and heartfelt confession to the Lord and, when needed, to others.24 When possible, we restore what we have wrongly harmed or taken.

Repentance becomes part of our daily lives. Our weekly taking of the sacrament is so important—to come meekly, humbly before the Lord, acknowledging our dependence upon Him, asking Him to forgive and to renew us, and promising to always remember Him.

Sometimes in our repentance, in our daily efforts to become more Christlike, we find ourselves repeatedly struggling with the same difficulties. As if we were climbing a tree-covered mountain, at times we don’t see our progress until we get closer to the top and look back from the high ridges. Don’t be discouraged. If you are striving and working to repent, you are in the process of repenting.

As we improve, we see life more clearly and feel the Holy Ghost working more strongly within us.

Sometimes we wonder why we remember our sins long after we have forsaken them. Why does the sadness for our mistakes at times continue following our repentance?

You will remember a tender story told by President James E. Faust. “As a small boy on the farm . . . , I remember my grandmother . . . cooking our delicious meals on a hot woodstove. When the wood box next to the stove became empty, Grandmother would silently pick up the box, go out to refill it from the pile of cedar wood outside, and bring the heavily laden box back into the house.”

President Faust’s voice then filled with emotion as he continued: “I was so insensitive . . . I sat there and let my beloved grandmother refill the kitchen wood box. I feel ashamed of myself and have regretted my [sin of] omission for all of my life. I hope someday to ask for her forgiveness.”25

More than 65 years had passed. If President Faust still remembered and regretted not helping his grandmother after all those years, should we be surprised with some of the things we still remember and regret?

The scriptures do not say that we will forget our forsaken sins in mortality. Rather, they declare that the Lord will forget.26

The forsaking of sins implies never returning. Forsaking requires time. To help us, the Lord at times allows the residue of our mistakes to rest in our memory.27 It is a vital part of our mortal learning.

As we honestly confess our sins, restore what we can to the offended, and forsake our sins by keeping the commandments, we are in the process of receiving forgiveness. With time, we will feel the anguish of our sorrow subside, taking “away the guilt from our hearts”28 and bringing “peace of conscience.”29

For those who are truly repentant but seem unable to feel relief: continue keeping the commandments. I promise you, relief will come in the timetable of the Lord. Healing also requires time.

If you are concerned, counsel with your bishop. A bishop has the power of discernment.30 He will help you.

The scriptures warn us, “Do not procrastinate the day of your repentance.”31 But, in this life, it is never too late to repent.

Once I was asked to meet an older couple returning to the Church. They had been taught the gospel by their parents. After their marriage, they left the Church. Now, 50 years later, they were returning. I remember the husband coming into the office pulling an oxygen tank. They expressed regret at not having remained faithful. I told them of our happiness because of their return, assuring them of the Lord’s welcoming arms to those who repent. The elderly man responded, “We know this, Brother Andersen. But our sadness is that our children and grandchildren do not have the blessings of the gospel. We are back, but we are back alone.”

They were not back alone. Repentance not only changes us, but it also blesses our families and those we love. With our righteous repentance, in the timetable of the Lord, the lengthened-out arms of the Savior will not only encircle us but will also extend into the lives of our children and posterity. Repentance always means that there is greater happiness ahead.

I bear witness that our Savior can deliver us from our sins. I have personally felt His redeeming power. I have unmistakably seen His healing hand upon thousands in nations throughout the world. I testify that His divine gift removes guilt from our heart and brings peace to our conscience.

He loves us. We are members of His Church. He invites each of us to repent, turn away from our sins, and come unto Him. I witness that He is there in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.


This talk was amazing. It brought tears to my eyes quite often throughout the talk. We are so blessed to have these men leading our Church, being the mouth of God. It truly is such a blessing.

If there is one word of advice I can give to BIC members, it is to really try and befriend those who are converts. It is really important for them to have the fellowship and to be around those who have good morals and values. I know that this is one of the reason I have been frustrated with the Church in the past. Tom and I are the youngest couple in our ward and we haven't started a family yet (and not for the lack of trying either) and I feel like we just don't belong sometimes. I was really sick for about a month and wasn't able to attend Church or teach my Sunbeams and no one called me to check in on me. And the next time I met with the Bishop, he told me he had been asked to release me from my calling. This broke my heart for two reasons. I love those kids. Sooooo much. They were the highlight of my week- especially when I was having really tough weeks. And the second part was that no one called to check in on me- they didn't facebook me to ask if I was ok. And that really hurt. I thought of these people as my family. And now my heart is just hurt. Part of my repentance process is to let go of all of that hurt. It isn't about the people- that's not why I go. I go for my salvation. To praise and honor my Heavenly Father. And I need to keep that in perspective.

So that is my conversion story. Kind of long, I know, but it is my story and I am proud of it.

XOXO