Growing up, I couldn’t wait to leave. I couldn’t wait to see what the world had to offer me. I couldn’t wait to travel and see the world. To grow up and to not be in the shadow of my family.
Little did I know, I would crave the open spaces, the sweet air, the endless sky, the brightness of the stars, the small town feel and the people I am closest too.
Going back, always brings up so much emotion for me. Mostly because of this beautiful little girl who has stolen my heart from the day she was born. She can always make me smile and lights up my world. She is my world. I can’t imagine loving anyone more than how much I love her. She is my niece. Waking up to her laughter and to the sweet sound of her voice is what made this trip, although sad and difficult, worth it all. Having her run up to me and hug me and tell me she loves me warmed my heart so much.
As I got ready to leave this morning, she didn’t leave my side. She helped me pack and watched me put on makeup. She laughed with me and gave me kisses and hugs. We played “Rescue” and I tickled her. And as I got ready to go, I kneeled down and got a kiss from her. She gave me a big hug and told me she loved me. Tears started to roll. I didn’t want to leave this girl. I didn’t want to spend another 6 months away from her and have to miss her growing up. She said, “I miss you.” Her eyes looked so sad. I said, “I miss you too.” She stood at the door, while I started to walk out the car. I had her come out so I could do “Eye Winker, Tom Tinker” one more time. I told her to go inside and watch Spongebob as tears streamed down my face. She stood at the door and said she loved me over and over again. I told her to close the door and she ran up the stairs to look out the window. She waved to me until I couldn’t see her anymore and it took all I have to not break down. To not just stay. To not go back and swoop her up in my arms and tell her once again how much I truly love that little lady.
Even as I write this, tears well up in my eyes. I am so thankful that my sister gave me this beautiful niece that is so full of life and imagination. She is so smart and so wonderful to be around. I couldn’t ask for a better niece.
I said goodbye to a wonderful, amazing, man this weekend. I said goodbye to my Godfather. I saw his life is pictures and I saw so many of the people whose lives he touched- young and old. I feel so blessed that my sweet husband worked so hard so that I was able to be here for this. I got to spend time with those who are my family (even if not by blood). I got to see where I lived and where my heart has always been.
I got to be with my best friend from high school, with my sister and my seester. I got to spend some much needed time with Molly and talked to her in lengths about life. The trip just needed to be longer. I needed the trip to be longer.
I doubt I will ever get to go home again. I am going to have to place my roots somewhere else. But today I left my heart in Wyoming again- and it will stay there, with my Moogs, until I return.
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