Dreams do come true

I've been thinking today (and every day) how Bug is my dream come true.

I've reread some of blogs as we dealt with infertility and loss. Where I wrote about our dreams to have a family, to have a baby.

When Tom and I got married we knew we wanted a family right away. We started to try right away. When weeks and months passed and then we had our first miscarriage, I questioned everything good. I questioned God and my marriage, I questioned myself and my past. I went to a very dark place.

After 4 years of trying, 4 years of taking tempatures and charting cycles, 4 years of yearning, heartache, guilt, pain and sadness, I turned my life and this issue (along with a few others) over to God. It was soon after we decided to stop trying, I received conformation from Heavenly Father that I would be a mother. I went with my mother and father in law to hear Elder Russell M. Nelson speak to our stake. It was here where I knew without a doubt I would one day be a mother.

That was in March. At the end of September, I thought I was pregnant. I took a test and I saw what I thought was a faint line. I emailed my doctor and she said to come in and get a blood test. Out of fear, I didn't go in. I thought that getting my hopes only to be let down again would be foolish. On October 24, I went in to get my blood tested. I hadn't had a period in 2 months. I was so nervous...

Tom and I had just finished at his parents' house and were going to Target. As we were pulling in, I received an email stating my results were ready. I told Tom. He gave me a look... the look that said, "Don't get your hopes up..."

As my hands shook, I logged in to Kaiser. I clicked on my test... and in disbelief I saw that I was pregnant!! I called my bestie as we walked through Target. I was ecstatic! Never before had we had a positive blood test... only a positive stick! I knew without a doubt we were having a baby. Tom was a bit more sceptical.

The next day, I scheduled a doctor's appointment. Because of our past, we got in right away. We found out that I was about 4 weeks along and got our first picture of my baby!

Today, I've taken hundreds if not thousands of pictures of our miracle. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me! God knew what He was doing. I may not understand everything, but Mady completes our family. She is exactly what we needed. She is perfect for us.

I wouldn't change all of the waiting we did. I wouldn't give back all the pain, heartache and longing that came with me waiting for my baby. It was worth it all! As I spoke with my mother in law today, I told her I didn't mind being up late, the lack of sleep or rocking her to sleep every night because I waited a long time to do all of those things.

Tonight, I'm reminded that dreams do come true. That God has a plan

and we needed to trust in Him. It'll happen in his time. And His time is perfect. This girl of mine is perfect.

Growing too fast!!

Mady is officially 5 months old!
She is growing up way too fast!!
Here is what Madalyn has been up to this month:

She can sit up on her own for a minute or so.
Her hand eye coordination is amazing!!!
She puts anything and everything into her mouth.
She takes 3 naps a day. 1 three hour nap and 2 one hour naps.
Her favorite toy is Elly the elephant.
She has to be cuddled with a soft blanket to go to sleep.
She rubs her eyes when she is tired.
She says " na na" when she is hungry.
She knows her bottle and can hold it if she wants to.
She loves to talk and move.
She is the happiest baby 95% of the time- but when she isn't you will definitely know.
Celebrated her first thanksgiving at grandma and grandpa Taylor's and tried a small taste of cranberries (she wasn't too sure about them)
&
Bug,
   You are so smart and so beautiful. I love watching you grow but it has gone by so quickly! I love being able to stay at home with you. You make every day so great and fun! Momy and daddy couldn't be more proud of you!!! We love you!

Mommy

4 months of joy

I should be doing dishes or sleeping, but instead I am here, thinking about my sweet baby and how fast these last 4 months have just flown by! It seems like just yesterday, I was meeting my precious little lady for the first time! I am still in awe that Heavenly Father chose me (and Tom) to love, protect and nurture this child of His. I am beyond blessed and I feel so unworthy of this amazing gift!

Madalyn is such an incredible joy to be around! From the moment we wake up, she is all smiles. I often find myself being awoken from her talking and when I glance over at her in her bassinet, her big beautiful eyes meet mine and she smiles the biggest smile! It sure makes getting out of bed a lot easier! She has the best temperament and truly is such a wonderful baby.

She is currently enjoying standing up and looking around at everything! She loves to talk and is checking out her vocal cords now by screeching! She is learning to roll over, and while she has done it a few times, her arm gets in the way a lot and she gets very frustrated. And she will let everyone know she is!! She already sleeps through the night, which is such a blessing in itself! She is happy, loving and bright!! I am so blessed!

Current nicknames:
Doodlebug
Munch
Doodle
Bug
Lovebug
Pumpkin
Mady
Mads
Ginger
Shea
Ginger Baby

Firsts:
First Halloween (she was Tigger)
First trip to the ER (for a cough)
First time rolling over from front to back
First move
First time having water
First professional photo shoot (she is such a good model)


Madalyn,
You are perfect! There is not a thing about you I would change! I love every moment of being your mommy, even the trying ones. You have truly completed our family. You bring your daddy and I so much joy that it is often indescribable. I am so proud of you and all that you are doing! Keep going, bug!! I love you so very much!!

Love you forever,
Mommy

3 months of bliss

It is 2 am and I am just finishing up homework for the night. Mady and Tom are fast asleep. The house is quiet and I am feeling so blessed. On Thursday, Mady will be 3 months old and I am in awe. I am in awe at how fast she has grown and changed. I have loved watching her develop and see her personality shine through. She is such a happy baby and smiles constantly. I rarely ever have to deal with a fussy baby, but when I do, this little lady makes her point. She hates the bottle being taken from her in order to burp her midway through and she will let you know! She has found her feet and loves to stare and grab at them. She is giggling more and more. She is grabbing onto things and loves to play with her rattle. ***DISCLAIMER: I FELL ASLEEP WHILE WRITING THE BLOG SO I AM FINISHING IT NOW*** Mady is now three months- although it has only been a few days. She has been on her first big trip to Denver to meet her Papabear (my dad), Nama (my dad's wife) and the rest of my family. We had a family reunion and it was GREAT to see everyone! How I miss being home!!! Mady is fast asleep in my lap right now, my leg is asleep, but I don't dare move her. Soon she will no longer want to cuddle with me or lay in my lap. Soon she will want to hold her own bottle and do things by herself. I relish in her dependence on me and in holding her every moment I get! Mady- you are the sweetest girl! Waking up to you in a dream, you are all smiles and giggles. I love watching you grow every day! I cannot believe just how big you are getting! You hold your head up and stand assisted. You talk all the time and love to smile. You are getting close to rolling over and I think you are even starting to teethe. Even so, you are such a joy to be around. I am proud to be your mommy! Thank you for the last 3 months... I am looking forward to the rest of your life. Love, Mommy

1-3 months... my little babes is growing up!!!

Reasons I am the best mom in the world...

Ha! Is it allowed for me to toot my own horn? I am going to guess that it is, but only because I have the best baby, which makes it pretty easy to be a good mommy. I really don't mind getting up with her at night and lose sleep. She lets me take a nap during the day. I don't mind that she spits up on me after almost every feeding. It means she is getting enough to eat and I can always wash my clothes. I don't mind when she fusses because the times she smiles at me, melts my heart and makes me forget about all the times she has cried. I don't mind that there are days I don't get to change out of my pajamas or take a shower because it means I get to spend the whole day snuggling up with my baby. And I don't mind when she make messes and I have to give her a bath because she loves the bath so very much and it so cute just laying there. Mads- You truly are the light of my life. Every morning when you smile at me, it fills my heart with an inexplicable amount of joy. Even when you cry, I love that I get to comfort you and hold you. I can't get enough of you, my sweet baby girl. I want to hold you ALL the time, but resist the urge, knowing you need your own time too. But I want you to know, that if you ever need me to hold you, I will be there. I love you doodlebug. I am so proud to be your mommy. XO Mommy

How M came to be

And so it begins. A new chapter in our lives. An amazing chapter. A chapter we have waited, dreamed and prayed for. And with that change, comes a change in the blog. It will now focus on the ever exciting life of parenthood and the growing angel that has completely consumed our lives. I am very proud to introduce our daughter: Madalyn Isabella Pearl Taylor Born July 4, 2012 at 10:29 am She weighed 7 pounds 14 ounces and was 20 inches long. Her head measured 13.5 cm around. Perfection.

As I sit here and write this, Miss Mady is talking up a storm. She is kicking those strong legs of hers and telling me stories. I love listening to her. It is quite possibly the best sound in the world. Although, it was nothing like hearing her cry for the very first time. *MUSIC TO MY EARS* On July 1, while talking to my brother, I thought my water had broke. I had just felt a "gush" and was sure that this was it. Tom and I went on a walk to see if the gushing continued and I was sure it had. We decided we needed to go to Labor and Delivery. When we got there, I was checked and told that it was just a bit of amniotic fluid that was leaking but my water hadn't broken. They checked me and I was dilated to a 1 and was 75% effaced. I walked the halls and climbed stars for an hour and was rechecked only to be dilated to a 1 1/2. Early active labor was what they called it and was sent home. The doctor was sure I would be back very soon. On Monday, the back labor really began. And it was painful, but I had no idea what was to come. I hardly slept that night, I walked and bounced on the ball as much as possible. Tuesday, the contractions were 6-7 minutes apart, consistently, but were gaining in pressure and pain. At noon, I called my mom and asked her to come get me and take me to Labor and Delivery. We got there at about 2:30 and was told that I was between 2 and 3 centimeters dilated and that I would be checked in. We were gonna have a baby!!!! At about 5:30, I was finally put into a room. I was in so much pain at this point, but I was bound and determined to make it through this au natural. I took showers and swayed. I moaned. I breathed. I walked. But nothing seemed to help and I was not really progressing, nor was I resting. At 1 am on the 4th, I received the epidural, which was AMAZING! The doctor who gave it to me was great and I hardly felt anything going in. I was able to relax a bit, but only after they sat me up because I couldn't feel anything beneath my neck (eeeekkkk!). Daddy was very tired and was passed out next to me as we waited. The pressure of the contractions was still there, but I was doing much better. At 7 am, I was at 7 cm and 90% effaced. I called my mom to come back to the hospital so she could wait in the waiting room until our princess had arrived. By the time she got there, the doctors were ready to break my water (8:30 am). I was 8 cm and 95% effaced. And then it was all down hill!!! Contractions came right on top of each other. I just remember thinking, "And I wanted labor to start???!!!!" At 9:29, I started to push. There were two times I wasn't sure I could do it any more. I had amazing nurses and my mom ended up staying in the room the whole time. She helped me so much. Between her and Tom, I am sure that is why I did so great. The nurses told me that I was doing so well and that I needed to come back and teach other ladies how to do this. Ha!!!! At around 10:25, this little girl was ready to come out. Jim Brickman was playing on the Ipod and there was not a doctor in site. The nurse was yelling, "We've got a delivery in here!" And she was whistling. As she held the baby's head in, she told me not to push. I am thinking, "You've got to be kidding me, right? This baby is coming out now!!!!" At 10:29, one hour after I began pushing, Madalyn was born. And she was perfect. She had her cord wrapped around her neck, but they were quick to remove it and lay her on me. It was the most amazing experience in my life. They grabbed her to clean her off, and daddy and Yama followed while they stitched me up (2nd degree tear). They dressed her in her first outfit and took pictures. She was beautiful. Perfect. She even had red hair (Aunt Melba would be proud)!!! It was then that Tom and I decided on her name. My great grandmother was also born on the fourth of July. It seemed only fitting that she get her name. So, Mady was named Madalyn Isabella Pearl. And the name fits her perfectly. We spent 3 days in the hospital after she was born. She had a bit of jaundice, so after a night under the bilirubin lights, we were able to bring our perfect, healthy daughter home. We stopped by Tom's parents on the way home to let his brother meet her. When we left their house, we went the back way, only to find out the last bridge we needed to cross was down, so we ended up driving all the way to Sacramento and then home. It was nuts!!! But Mads was a trooper! I wanted to make sure I got this down so that one day, Mady can read how she came into this world, and to make sure I didn't forget anything important. I am so blessed to have such a beautiful, happy baby. She truly is a great baby, with few complaints in the world. She is either hungry, tired or has a diaper that needs to be changed. At 6 weeks, she is smiling, cooing and giggling. She has a pretty good schedule of going to sleep at 11 p.m. and waking up at 3 to eat and then back to sleep until 7 or 8. She is growing so much and I cannot wait to see her continue to grow. I cannot thank everyone enough for all of the love, prayers and time they have spent on us. We feel so very blessed for all that you have done for us. We loved that Auntie Jenn came out to visit the week after she was born. I felt horribly spoiled by my mom, Peter, Tom and Jenn. They helped so much with taking care of Mady so that I could get some sleep and rest. I am thankful for all that they do now so that when I need a break, they make sure I have one. I know I am babbling. I just feel like I have so much to tell. Hopefully the next post will be much more entertaining. :)

30 weeks and counting :)

Sorry it has been so long since I last posted. Things have been crazy here. I am finishing the semester up at school (one more month to go) and busy prepping for Miss Madalyn's arrival. I am exhausted and so ready to meet my little peanut! But the good news is that after a few rough weeks- I have a healthy baby growing inside of me that has decided to just stay put for a while longer. I have a feeling I am going to miss her big kicks inside me when she arrives, but I sure can't wait to see her sweet face and get to know her. She is already loved so much and I can't imagine not having her in my life. As of today, I am 30 weeks and 3 days along. I am feeling bigger than ever and have had 2 weeks of bed rest and an entire day of contractions, not to mention the wonderful Braxton Hicks. We are living with Tom's parents while we wait for the purchase of our first home to go through. We are happy and healthy and excited, nervous and tired. Baby is this big:

These last two ultrasounds were taken at 27 weeks 5 days:

Mommy looks like this:

Mady weighs just over 3 pounds and is about 16 inches long. Her eyes are getting more and more focused. She doesn't like loud noises and kicks mommy every time something scares her. She kicks after Mommy eats chocolate. Madalyn has found mommy's ribs. Mommy now knows what it feels like to have her hiccup. This little girl is so very loved. I simply can't wait to meet her. In the next post, I will share photos of the baby shower my amazing Aunt put on for me in Denver! I feel so grateful to have such a wonderful and supportive family. I can't wait until we are all together again to celebrate her arrival.

Thru the deep waters

I know it has been a while since I've updated y'all. I am sorry for that. Things have just been crazy! School consumes almost all my time during the day, and when I find time to be a wife and do chores around the house or run errands or go to doctor's appointments, that is where the remainder of my time goes. I am thankful I have a very loving and supportive husband who understands that I am busy with school, but also pregnant and seem to be lacking motivation and energy. He has been great and ever so patient with me and I am thankful for everything he does for me and our daughter. He is one amazing daddy already!

I am taking the time to write today, because I felt prompted by the Spirit to. I have a great friend, Nicole, who I have known for many years who recently posted on her Facebook about a run/walk being held for her cousin in St. George, Utah. Check it out here.
Ben was diagnosed with ALS just over a year ago. Upon wandering to the site, I found his wife's blog. Her faith in this trail that God has granted her has given me such a deep appreciation for life. For every day trails. I stayed up way past my bed time reading her blog and reading her story of faith, courage and hope. I read and wept over her words and her struggles, fears and anger. But it all kept coming back to the Lord. It all kept returning to Him, His will and His timing. She has absolute faith in Him, in His promises and that made me want to do more. I am not the perfect follower of Christ. My faith lacks... a lot. I don't study the Scriptures like I should, I don't pray as often as I should and I certainly don't always act with love, faith and hope. But I find myself renewed through someone else's struggle. I find myself wanting to make sure that I prepare myself to be steadfast and honorable. I find myself wanting to make sure that I am doing all that I can to get back to Heavenly Father, to be the best mother, wife, sister, daughter, granddaughter, aunt....etc, that I can be.

I often think that I have it rough. I have my fair share of problems, some that have left some pretty deep wounds, and my trails are mine, they are what God has given me, but in relation to Ben and his family, my trails seem so small. I am so thankful for what I have, for the family I have supporting me and for the friends I have that are there at moment's notice. I have a perfect baby girl growing inside me, a husband who would do anything for me and worries constantly about Mady and I and a life that I can hardly complain about. I am blessed. And I need to recognize that a little more often. I need to thank Heavenly Father for all that He has provided Tom and I with. We could not do this alone and we know that. :)

As for other news: I am 24 weeks along now and I fall more in love with Madalyn every day. I can't wait to meet her and have her in my arms. 3 months to go!!! She is a mover and has quite the kick. I woke up this morning and decided to listen to her heartbeat- it is my favorite sound in the world- and while listening to her, I could also hear her move. I could lay there and listen to her all day. <3

The next few months will be busy as Tom and I are moving in with family to save some money and to look for a home to purchase. We are excited for this oppurtunity, but we also know it will be a bit stressful. I head home to Denver at the end of the month for my first baby shower that my aunt is throwing for me. I am excited to go home and spend some time with family, as I know after sweet Mady comes, it will be more difficult to get away. A week after getting back from Denver, Tom's parents and I will head to Las Vegas, and then I will drive to St. George, Utah, followed by a trip to SLC to spend time with my bestie, my grandparents and some friends I haven't seen in ages. It will be a wonderful trip, with hopefully a trip to the Temple with my grandparents and some much needed time with my best friend. I am grateful that Tom has worked so hard to allow me to travel as much as I will during the next month. I am really grateful that he is giving me this chance to see my family and friends before miss Mady comes.

18 weeks!

Baby is the size of a:

Baby is slathered in a greasy, waxy, cheese-like substance known as vernix caseosa to keep it from bruising, abrasions, and chapping caused by amniotic fluid exposure.

Baby is on the move quite often and it makes mommy very happy :)

Baby can now hear mommy and daddy talking.

Baby also responds to music.

Mommy:

Mommy is feeling better than ever.

Mommy is loving feeling the baby move.

Mommy's ligaments are growing every day and hurt a lot (but it is worth it).

Mommy has her 20 week (19 really) next week. We are making sure baby has all 10 fingers and all 10 toes, and see its little nose. Mommy can't wait!!!

Dearest Baby,
Everyday I feel you more and more. You are one active baby, moving around constantly, dancing and rolling around. I fall more and more in love with you each time I feel you. I can't wait to meet you. I have been waiting for this for so long and am determined to enjoy every moment I have with you, even if you are still just growing inside my belly. I get to see you in just a few days, make sure you have all your fingers and all your toes. I will get to see and hear your heartbeat (it is the sweetest sound to my ears and to my heart). You are already so loved. I can't imagine how things will be when you are here, but I know no matter what you are going to be loved beyond words. I just wanted you to know how much I love you. I can't wait for you to be here. To see those eyes, and have your fingers wrap around mine, to hear you cry (I promise to remember that when you are crying ALL the time), to have you cuddle with me. Keep dancing baby T! I love you.

Mommy

16 weeks!!!!!

Baby is the size of an....

Baby is moving at night... feels like little butterflies moving on the right side of the tummy just below the belly button.
Baby's eyes are close to their final position and its possible that baby can hear mommy and daddy when they talk.
Baby's heart is now pumping 25 quarts of blood each day and it will only pump more as time goes on.

Mommy is doing wonderful.
She has quite a cold this past week but seems to finally be getting over it.
She is still craving bacon and potatoes.
She is getting so excited for see the baby on February 8th.
Mommy's belly is growing everyday and can feel her ligaments stretching.
Mommy also has more energy and doesn't always require a nap everyday.

14 WEEKS!!!!

BABY:

Our little bean is the size of a....

Our bean is growing big and strong everyday.
Baby is busy with thumb sucking, toe wiggling, and (not so cute but equally amazing) making urine and breathing amniotic fluid as the liver kidneys and spleen continue to develop.
Lanugo is growing all over the body for warmth.


Baby at 13 weeks

You can see the bean putting its hand on its head. Our little bean has attitude already :)

Mommy:

Finally feels like she has "popped"
Feels like she can feel the baby moving around, soft little flutters.
Has kidney stones, but is finally starting to feel better.
Is thankful for daddy's back and neck rubs and bubble baths.
Is craving bacon, anything potatoes and sandwiches with lettuce, mayo, pickles and dijon mustard.
Is loving being pregnant and can't wait for the next 26 weeks.