I've been thinking today (and every day) how Bug is my dream come true.
I've reread some of blogs as we dealt with infertility and loss. Where I wrote about our dreams to have a family, to have a baby.
When Tom and I got married we knew we wanted a family right away. We started to try right away. When weeks and months passed and then we had our first miscarriage, I questioned everything good. I questioned God and my marriage, I questioned myself and my past. I went to a very dark place.
After 4 years of trying, 4 years of taking tempatures and charting cycles, 4 years of yearning, heartache, guilt, pain and sadness, I turned my life and this issue (along with a few others) over to God. It was soon after we decided to stop trying, I received conformation from Heavenly Father that I would be a mother. I went with my mother and father in law to hear Elder Russell M. Nelson speak to our stake. It was here where I knew without a doubt I would one day be a mother.
That was in March. At the end of September, I thought I was pregnant. I took a test and I saw what I thought was a faint line. I emailed my doctor and she said to come in and get a blood test. Out of fear, I didn't go in. I thought that getting my hopes only to be let down again would be foolish. On October 24, I went in to get my blood tested. I hadn't had a period in 2 months. I was so nervous...
Tom and I had just finished at his parents' house and were going to Target. As we were pulling in, I received an email stating my results were ready. I told Tom. He gave me a look... the look that said, "Don't get your hopes up..."
As my hands shook, I logged in to Kaiser. I clicked on my test... and in disbelief I saw that I was pregnant!! I called my bestie as we walked through Target. I was ecstatic! Never before had we had a positive blood test... only a positive stick! I knew without a doubt we were having a baby. Tom was a bit more sceptical.
The next day, I scheduled a doctor's appointment. Because of our past, we got in right away. We found out that I was about 4 weeks along and got our first picture of my baby!
Today, I've taken hundreds if not thousands of pictures of our miracle. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me! God knew what He was doing. I may not understand everything, but Mady completes our family. She is exactly what we needed. She is perfect for us.
I wouldn't change all of the waiting we did. I wouldn't give back all the pain, heartache and longing that came with me waiting for my baby. It was worth it all! As I spoke with my mother in law today, I told her I didn't mind being up late, the lack of sleep or rocking her to sleep every night because I waited a long time to do all of those things.
Tonight, I'm reminded that dreams do come true. That God has a plan
and we needed to trust in Him. It'll happen in his time. And His time is perfect. This girl of mine is perfect.
