I have been wanting to write about this particular subject for some time now.
I guess it is partly because I want to justify myself
And maybe defend myself
But more so, to help people understand.

I have had a lot of obstacles in my life.
I have struggled with some extremely difficult problems in my life.
I have always been a pretty vocal person.
I have never been shy to share my experiences or to offer advice when asked.
And even now as I struggle with infertility, mental illness and addiction- I am not afraid to share my story.

I don't care what people think of me.
If they judge me.
They haven't walked in my shoes.
They don't know what I have gone through.
And those that love me will never judge me or think less of me.

I am often reminded that we all have struggles.
We were placed on this Earth to become the best person we can be.
We will have obstacles placed in front of us.
It is what we do with those obstacles that will determine how life will go for us.

I believe more now that because of my experiences, I will be able to help others.
I know that I finish my studies to become a teacher, that I will be able to make a difference.
I know that this is what I have always been meant to do with my life.

Am I ashamed of the choices I make?
Sometimes.
Do I regret the choices I've made?
Sometimes.
But I refuse to live in the past anymore.
I am moving forward.
I refuse to hide who I am.

I AM bipolar.
I AM infertile
I AM a recovering addict.
And I AM happy.

I am taking my mistakes, my faults and using them to my advantage.
I am becoming a healthier, better, stronger woman.
And slowly but surely, as I admit my feats and work on them- I know I will make it.

I think more than anything, my faith in God has changed.
Magnified.
I became desperate for Him.
And now I am striving everyday to be like Him.
To follow the promises I have made.
To be the daughter He created me to be.

I will always have a long way to go.
I will always fall short.
But that is why the Atonement is so glorious.
That is why I am so grateful for the cross Jesus chose to bear.
For me.
For you.
For this world.

Another milestone

Today, I have been clean and sober for 150 days.
Today, I am happy that I made the decision to get help.
Today, I am happy that the people who love me confronted me.
Today, I am happy.

Today, I want to help others who struggle with addiction or abusing drugs or alcohol.
Today, I am getting healthy.
Today, I am going to a counselling.
Today, I am happy.

Today, I feel better than I ever have.
Today, I am excited for the future.
Today, I am relying on God.
Today, I am happy.

I can't imagine having done this without my family and my friends.
Tom has been incredible. His faith in me never falters and he loves me unconditionally. I am truly blessed to have him as my husband.
I am not sure if I ever thanked any of you for your concern and for voicing your concerns.
I am sure I was angry *although I really don't remember*
But today, I couldn't be more grateful.
My whole world has changed.
And for the first time, in a very long, I am happy, truly happy.

Thank you for your endless prayers, love, support and words.
I am eternally grateful.

All my love.