I hate being sick.

Since Thursday, I have been feeling downright puny.

It started off with a sore throat.

Then the headache came.

Then the fever came.

Then the nausea.

Now it is all here and I feel like maybe I should have just stayed in bed.

But the bills don't pay themselves.

BAH!

I have come to realize...

36 things I've come to realize...

1. I've come to realize that my weight...
is something that I am not happy about... and I am working to change it.

2. I've come to realize that my job...
is just something I do to make ends meet, it is not my life.

3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving...
it is a time where I feel the most relaxed

4. I've come to realize that I need....
to learn to be more relaxed... and not take things so seriously.

5. I've come to realize that I have lost...
nothing but have gained everything.

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when...
I don't get my way... so I need to grow up.

7. I've come to realize that if I'm drunk...
someone slipped me the drink

8. I've come to realize that money....
is just a means to an end, but is not the end nor the only means

9. I've come to realize that certain people...
are the most amazing people I could have ever asked for in my life

10. I've come to realize that I'll always...
be in love with my husband

11. I've come to realize that my sibling(s)...
are extremely important in my life and I don't know what I would do without them

12. I've come to realize that my mom...
will always be my mom- she is that amazing!

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone...
is something I can't live without.

14. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning...
that stress really does wear me out

15. I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep...
I keep falling in love with my husband and I can't imagine life without him

16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking...
about my husband and how amazing he his

17. I've come to realize that my dad...

will always be one of the most important people in my life regardless of what he does or doesn't do.

18. I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook...
I am always excited when I have heard from someone

19. I've come to realize that today...
is just another day to accomplish so much.

20. I've come to realize that tonight...
is going to be another night where I can spend time with the love of my life

21. I've come to realize that tomorrow...
is Friday!

22. I've come to realize that I really want to...

start a family and be the mom I really want to be.

23. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost this is...
not really something I care about.

24. I've come to realize that life...
is just a short period of time compared to the eternity that I have with God

25. I've come to realize that this weekend...
will hopefully be relaxing!

26. I've realized the best music to listen to when I am upset...
is whatever my heart desires... music is my favorite thing in this world

28. I've come to realize that this year...
is better than I ever expected but also full of trials and tribulations

29. I've come to realize that my exs...
taught me what I need to know so that when I found my one true love I was ready

30. I've come to realize that maybe I should...
stop and smell the roses more

31. I've come to realize that I love...
my husband more than life itself!

32. I've come to realize that I don't understand...
a lot in my life... but that it isn't for me to understand

33. I've come to realize my past...
isn't very good to look at but I am glad I went through it all

34. I've come to realize that parties...
are just not really my thing

35. I've come to realize that I'm totally terrified...
spiders!

36. I've come to realize that my life...
is so amazing!!!! I am so blessed...

What I've done...

Bold the ones that apply, fo sho.

Appearance:
I am 5’4 or shorter.
I have many scars.
I tan easily.
I wish my hair was a different colour.
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
I have a tattoo.
I am self-conscious about my appearance.
I have/I’ve had braces.
I wear glasses.
I’d get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free, scar-free.
I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.
I have more than 2 piercings.
I have piercings in places besides my ears.
I have freckles.

Family/Home Life:
I’ve sworn at my parents.
I’ve been kicked out of the house.
I have a sibling less than one year old.
I want to have kids someday.
I have children.
I’ve lost a child.

Embarrassment:
I’ve slipped out a “lol” in a spoken conversation.
Disney movies still make me cry.
I’ve snorted while laughing.
I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
I’ve glued my hand to something.
I’ve laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
I’ve had my pants rip in public.

Health:
I was born with a disease/impairment.
I’ve had stitches.
I’ve broken a bone.
I’ve had my tonsils removed.
I’ve sat in a doctor’s office with a friend.
I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
I’ve had surgery.
I’ve had chicken pox.

Traveling:
I’ve driven over 200 miles in one day.
I’ve been to Canada.
I’ve been to Niagara Falls.
I’ve been to Japan.
I’ve Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
I’ve been to Spain.
I’ve been to Africa.
I’ve been to France.

Experiences:
I’ve been lost in my city.
I’ve seen a shooting star.
I’ve wished on a shooting star.
I’ve seen a meteor shower.
I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
I’ve been to a casino.
I’ve been skydiving.
I’ve gone skinny dipping.
I’ve played spin the bottle.
I’ve crashed a car.
I’ve been skiing.
I’ve been in a play.
I’ve met someone in person from the internet.
I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.
I’ve seen the Northern Lights.
I’ve sat on a roof top at night.
I’ve played chicken.
I’ve played a prank on someone.
I’ve ridden in a taxi.
I’ve seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
I’ve eaten Sushi.
I’ve been snowboarding.

Relationships:
I’m single.
I’m in a relationship.
I’m available.
I’m engaged.
I’m married.
I’ve gone on a blind date.
I’ve been the dumpee more than the dumper.
I miss someone right now.
I have a fear of abandonment.
I’ve been divorced.
I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
I’ve kept something from a past relationship.

Sexuality:
I’ve had a crush on someone of the same gender.
I’ve kissed a member of the same gender.
I’ve had sex with more than one person at the same time.
I am a cuddler.
I’ve been kissed in the rain.
I’ve had sex outdoors.
I’ve hugged a stranger.
I have kissed a stranger.
I have had sex with a stranger.

Honesty/Crime:
I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.
I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
I have lied to my parents about where I am.
I am keeping a secret from the world.
I’ve cheated while playing a game.
I’ve cheated on a test.
I’ve run a red light.
I’ve been suspended from school.
I’ve witnessed a crime.
I’ve been in a fist fight.
I’ve been arrested.
I’ve shoplifted.

Drugs/Alcohol:
I’ve consumed alcohol.
I’ve smoked a cigarette.
I(‘ve) smoke(d) pot.
I regularly drink.
I’ve taken painkillers when I didn’t need them.
I’ve done hard drugs.
I’ve been addicted to an illegal drug

Now mind you most of these were over two years ago when I was in a not so good spot in my life.... doing much better now thank you :)

Mommy fever!

So this is what I want:

And:

And:

Which I know will include:

But I still really want to be a mommy! Just thought you should know that I've got mommy fever and I've got it bad! Hopefully getting a dog will cure this for a while because this is driving me insane!

Lessons learned

I found myself crippled on the couch this weekend... my back was aching and moving of any sort seemed to make matters worse. So with my doctor's advice, I iced my back, took ibuprofen, stretched, did little to aggravate my back, watched General Conference, read and slept. Being laid up makes you think... or at least it made me think. I thought about a lot of things, but most importantly the range of emotions I have been feeling lately.

I have been quite frustrated with the current situation that my body has recently decided to put me through... or more so- that I have put my body through. The weight gain has added fatigue and stress that I have never felt before. I have never been this heavy. This makes me sad. And yet, I am too tired and too stressed out to do anything about it. Or at least this is my excuse. I really am just too lazy. So I have decided (the back pain helped with this decision) that I am going to start doing something about it. Whether it is a bike ride or a walk in the park- every night I am going to do something. I am also going to use the savings that we are going to start receiving once we move into the new condo to enroll Tom and I into a gym. I hoping that because we will pay a pretty penny for this membership that we will actually use it. I would really like to get back into the pool- I seemed to always find my sanctuary there. And its good for the whole body :)

It was also during this weekend, that I found myself wallowing in self-pity because of things that I can't control. As much as I want a child now, I can't control that God doesn't feel like it is the right time. As much as I dislike my job at times because of certain people in my office, I can't control them, so I must look beyond this and realize how much I like my job when I don't pay attention to others. My job has blessed me in so many way. Tom and I are able to buy a home (with Lee of course), we are able to make ends meet and have been able to start saving. And I found a friend that otherwise would not have happened.

I don't hang outside of work with this friend, we just simply talk throughout the day at work. It is so nice. And it goes deeper than just the usual work stuff. We talk a lot about faith. We talk a lot about the love God has for us and how amazing it is that He is willing to take on our burdens. We talk about the differences between our faiths neither one of us trying to convert the other- just talking and asking questions, but the foundation of our faith is the same, a love in Christ and our Heavenly Father that is so strong, it astounds us. I feel lucky to have met her, as she only pushes me to study more, to learn more, to have more faith. She is definitely the newest blessing in my life. :) We also have gone through or are going through very similar things in our lives, from dealing with depression to ex-boyfriends. We are both newly weds and are learning from each other about how to deal with newly wed blues (is there such a thing?). It is nice just to have her around. She is a wonderful example and always has something good to say throughout the day that puts me right on top! I am so thankful for her!!!

General Conference this weekend was amazing! However, thank goodness for DVR. I overslept on Saturday while Tom was out doing a service project for one of the ladies in our ward. He came home so dirty. I waited until he got home to watch Saturday's, but fell asleep soon after I started. I will be watching it with my in-laws as they were helping my brother-in-law move to Las Vegas this weekend. Sunday, I managed to stay up through the whole thing, while Tom slept through most of it. But as soon as it ended, I was out like a light and for pretty much the whole night (But I will call my grandparents tonight :) ). I loved the advice for married couples. My favorite came from Brother Eyring: "First, I give counsel to husbands and wives...Pray for the love which allows you to see the good in your companion...Pray for the love that makes weaknesses and mistakes seem small...Pray for the love to make your companion’s joy your own...Pray for the love to want to lessen the load and soften the sorrows of your companion..."

Brother Eyring also talked about service to others which seemed to be a common theme between all the talks. President Monson talked a lot about serving others and I know in my life that I tend to lack this. It is rare when I find time to service others and that needs to change and soon! Brother Eyring also talked about wanderers from the Church. And that it will be ok... Brother Eyring quoted Orson F. Whitney, "Though some of the sheep may wander, the eye of the Shepherd is upon them...." This is such a reassurance to me. As I prepare to become a mother and plan on raising my kids in the Church, I have been assured that no matter where my children go (whether it is a different faith or they go off to college), God will be watching over them. I think that is my most favorite thing about General Conference- the guidance and assurance that comes from those that have spoken. The Leaders of the Church, people with experience and have had revelation and have faith. The power of Elder Holland's testimony has encouraged me to gain an even stronger testimony, one that will affect people the way Elder Holland's has. His testimony gave me goose bumps and shook my heart. I was simply taken back at how firm he was. I wasn't expecting it at all.

This week, my patience with people was tested as a close family member made a remark about my faith. It is rare that I ever say anything negative about another person's faith, as I have learned that a person with faith is a lot better off than a person without faith, regardless of what it is (I now understand why my Nina made me go to church when I came and visited her in SLC). It wasn't a good remark, but nonetheless, I just pushed it aside and moved forward. However, I continue to think, has this particular faith not done wonders for me and the angry girl I used to be? Has this faith not made me a better person? Has this faith not helped me build relationships with people that years ago didn't seem feasible? I would like to think that we all believe in the same foundation- that Christ was sent here to die for us and that God loves us unconditionally. I would like to believe that even though there are many different faiths in my family, that we can all get along and love each other regardless of our faith. Are people really that small minded to think that just because our faith is different doesn't mean we can't love each other and get along? I don't doubt that this person loves me- don't get me wrong- but to make comments like that, when this faith is the reason my whole life has turned around- I feel was just uncalled for. However, it just reaffirms my faith. Elder Holland's testimony just made me want to gain a stronger testimony and hopefully throughout all trials and tribulations and even through blessings, that is exactly what I can do!

Saturday also brought a bit of a stir when the hills behind us were on fire! I am laying on the couch reading (Eat, Love, Pray is a wonderful book- read it if you have the chance) and I start to smell something burning. I ask Tom, "do you smell that?" He doesn't. A few minutes later, we see smoke and then we hear fire engines. So we hop in our car and drive up towards where the fire engine is going and we see nothing but smoke and it is bad! We decide to head back home to close up the windows and we see airplanes and helicopters circling the area. We then hear firetrucks go up a different direction right behind our complex... Tom decides we are going for another drive! We get to where the firetrucks are heading up the hills and we can see the fire blazing. The wind was making it burn fast! I was a little nervous that we might have to evacuate so I called my mom and she told us to back a bag of things that irreplaceable just in case. We watched the helicopter pour fire retardant on the fire and the firefighters finally get to the fire. They were able to completely contain the fire by 11 p.m. and it made for an interesting moment in our Saturday. It ended up burning 75 acres but stayed in the hills and no one was hurt. :)

So thats it for now!

I hope that this finds all of you well.

Tom and I send our love!

XOXO

I am not sure why the font and size are different and I can't fix it... sorry :(

Don't forget to say....

It is times like today where I am reminded to tell those I love that I do in fact love them. I found out today that one of the families that I grew up with lost their mother yesterday. I believe from asking around that it was from cancer as she had been ill for quite sometime. It amazes me that life can change in just a blink of an eye.
So in honor of Ellen Taylor and her family- I am saying I love you to all of those who are in my life. I am so very blessed to have each and everyone of you there. Thank you for impacting my life and making a difference in my life.

Much needed update!

I have so much to catch up on. Seesh! I should never put off doing it this long... so much has happened! I guess now is as good as time as any right? Ok...

On September 1st, Tom and I kicked off our anniversary week, with the Nickelback concert. My mom surprised us with tickets for our anniversary and it was freakin awesome! We went with Sara and her fiance Jim (Sara helped sooooo much with our wedding and took some of the best pictures that we had throughout the whole day)! It was Saving Abel, Papa Roach, Hinder and Nickelback. What an awesome night!

On the 3rd of September- Tom and I happily remembered our first date two years ago. I can't believe that it has been two years since this man was brought into my life. Little did I know that he would become my eternal companion as he met me at my front door wearing a pink and grey striped button up shirt, kakhi shorts and sandels- and he looked HOT!!! (I still love him wearing this outfit). Little did I know, he would change me for the better and help me realize so many things. He is (to say the least) amazing. He has helped me realize that the little things in life are what make life great- but not to get stressed over the smaller things. He has helped me realize that a lot of the time my emotions get in my way of rational thinking. He has made me fall in love with him more than once- and I can't imagine my life without him. He is perfectly imperfect. And he is mine all mine. And most importantly he brought the Gospel into my life- I am the luckiest girl in the world.

My grandparents arrived on the 3rd as well for the most important event of my life thus far. My sister and niece also flew in to help celebrate this day... how amazing that was! My niece has gotten so big since June when I saw her last- it amazes me how fast they grow.

On September 4th, at 2pm, I recieved my endowments at the Oakland Temple with my husband. I can't explain the feeling... no words would do it justice. It was overwhelming, joyous, breathtaking, awakening, spiritual and glorious. And if you would have asked me two years ago if I was going to be at the Temple- I would have said absolutely not. Yet here I was, with some of the most important people in my life- including Elder L (one of the missionaires who baptized me). My heart still leaps at the thought that we actually went there.

On September 5th, at 10am Thomas and I were sealed to eachother for time and all eternity. I remember just looking at Tom (I felt like we were looking into each other's soul) and feeling the most powerful emotion I have ever felt. True, unconditional love. I have never felt more love for someone. When looking into the mirrors, we could see forever, but only if we looked at our spouse. Ben (Tom's brother) told us to remember that- we always have to be looking at the other spouse, and put them first, and that is how we get to forever.

Afterwords, my mom, Peter, my sister, niece, Tom's family (grandparents, Ben, Stacy, Theresa, Warren, Quito, Audra, Lori), Elder L, Carl and Tom and I went to lunch. It was amazing! It was so nice to celebrate this day with so many of those that we love so very much!

On September 6th, after church and bearing my testimony of the past few days, Thomas and I celebrated our one year anniversary at my mom's. We ate a ton of food, played cards, made a stepping stone with my niece, played in the water with Moogs, and enjoyed having my family there. We cut our cake, had Martinelli's and remembered the day where we were joined together as man and wife. We had a wonderful day!

I am ever so thankful for my grandparents. It meant the world to me that they were there to share this day with us. They have left an everlasting impression on my life and I can't thank them enough for all they have done for us. I feel so very blessed to have them in my life- to have them as examples in ours lives. I loved having my grandma there to hold my hand and to show me how things are done. I am such a lucky girl. I am grateful that they could witness something they never thought would happen. I am blessed that they helped shape me into this person. I am happy that I was able to witness my grandfather cry tears of joy as Tom and I were sealed to each other. It really humbled me.

This whole experience has humbled me. To the fullest extent. I am such a small part of this world. I am no better than anyone else out there. My heart has been softened. I feel lighter, stronger, happier. I am happier than I have ever been. I feel... renewed.

I simply cannot wait to go back. We have promised each other- once a month to go... as it will only make us stronger. We are stronger and happier than ever. Thank you God for allowing us to have such a place that is so close to you. I can't explain the joy that I feel going into His home.

Then this month, Tom, Lee and I, decided it was time to buy a home- or a condo and stop paying for someone else's mortgage. So we started looking and we found this cute 2 bedroom 2 bathroom condo in Antioch. I LOVE IT!

Our offer was

accepted about a week and a half ago. We will be closing by October 31. We will paint, fix some little things and save $400 a month and that includes EVERYTHING! I feel so blessed that we are able to get into a home (with Lee's help of course) and now we all own something that is ours. And now I can get a puppy! :)

And last but not least. Tom and I are expecting to have a new neice or nephew here in the spring. Congrats Ben and Stacy!!!! We are so excited to have a new little one join our lives!!!