Happy Birthday Buckwheat!

In honor of my baby brother's 23rd birthday... I dedicate this post to him with 23 wonderful things about him.

23. He always makes me laugh.

22. He truly has one of the best hearts out there.

21. He is such a stud :)

20. He is so freakin smart.

19. He has such an amazing work ethic.

18. I loved watching him play baseball growing up.

17. He is phenomenal with kids- he will be a wonderful daddy when he grows up.

16. He is the pride and joy of our family.

15. He will always be the baby and therefore we love him a lot more.

14. He is aspiring to be a teacher... a history teacher. That is rad.

13. He is one of my closest family members and I love him so much.

12. He has a drive for a good life and I love watching him grow.

11. He loves people unconditionally... especially me.

10. He is the best little brother in the world (he played barbies and g.i. joes with me growing up).

9. He was amazing at my wedding... helping out in whatever way he could.

8. I love just talking to him...

7. I love just being in the same car as him (I miss our drives together... a lot).

6. I love his love for Dave Matthews...

5. He has had some of the best girlfriends in the world- some girl is going to be very lucky to be his wife.

4. He is a wonderful uncle (even when he is hungover).

3. He is the world's biggest comedian. I swear that is what he is suppose to do for his career.

2. Even after all the adversity he has had in his life... he has never just given up. I am so proud of him.

1. I am proud to be known as his big sister. He is all of these things plus a thousand more. I couldn't be any luckier. He even lets me call him Buckwheat still.

Buck,

I can't imagine my life without you. You have done so much for me and I always feel like I should do more for you. You are going so far in life. Keep striving. I am so proud of you and I love you so freakin much! I can't wait to see you!

Your big sister #2 or #3 depending on how you look at it,

Cass

I have a problem...

I like to look at blogs of people I don't know. It can consume me for hours. It is what I do at work to pass away the time when our dialer is down and I have nothing to follow up upon. It is what I do to make time fly by when I am waiting for my husband to get home.
It is interesting to me to read about girls waiting for their missionaries to come home and the battles that they fight along the way. I luckily never had to deal with this... although sometimes I wish I had. I have seen it shape these girls hearts to strive more for a relationship with God. For a deeper relationship with God.
I have recently stumbled upon a blog about a young LDS girl giving up her baby for adoption. This blog has made me go through every emotion I have ever known. I have felt happiness for the adoptive family. I have felt sadness for this girl. I have felt pride and anger. Fortune and heartache. It amazes me. This girl... amazes me. I wish I could have her strength. I wish I could face my consequences with such gusto. How amazing is she?
I also love the blogs that only talk about love. How amazing it is. I always get giddy every time I think about love. Tom and I are so blessed to feel what we feel. Few ever feel it. You definitely need to check out lelove.blogspot.com totally worth it!

I need help. Maybe it is because I don't have much of a life besides church and work... but it is my life and I LOVE IT!

Totally excited about FHE tonight at our place. I am excited to have the girls over with the loves of their lives and to get to know them better. We are going to have a blast!

I love you babe!

EEEEKKKK!

So we set our times and dates with Oakland Temple this morning!!!!!

We are going to get our ENDOWMENTS on September 4th at 2:00pm and then................

Thomas and I will be SEALED FOR TIME AND ALL ETERNITY on September 5, 2009 at 10:00 am.

I simply cannot wait!!!!

I cannot wait to be his wife forever and ever.

I cannot wait to have our children be sealed to us forever.

I cannot wait to go into the Temple for the first time AND with my husband.

I cannot wait to know what it feels like to be in the Temple (I can only imagine being that I feel AMAZING when I am outside the Temple).

I am so excited! My heart just flutters.

Babe- I can't wait to be your eternal best friend, your eternal companion, your wife for time and all eternity.

38 DAYS!!!!!

How do you know?

So after a short discussion with my boss, who told me that I was wrong about knowing what love is... I have decided to research this subject and decide... "How do you know you are in love?"

A co-worker is going through a divorce and since we are all pretty close, we are trying to give him some advice. My boss doesn't believe that what my co-worker feels for his soon-to-be ex wife is love. If it wasn't love, why would he continue to be with her for 7 years? Maybe I am just old fashioned and believe that love never stops... it can change... but it never stops. And I don't believe you can only fall in love once... but I do believe you have only one true love.

I have only one real experience of breaking up. I had a few "boyfriends" during my time, but before my husband, I was only in love once. And when we broke up... and the months that led up to our breakup was earth shattering. I really loved him, but he never loved me. There was a lot of time and energy that was put into our relationship, but I was really just someone to pass the time with. Knowing this, never made it easier to forget him or to stop loving him. A certain song would come on, or something was said, or a car like his would drive by and I would lose it. And only time made it easier to get through the days without him. It doesn't matter that he broke me heart and lied to me, it would not have made it any easier had he just told me that it wasn't working out. I honestly, hopelessly, completely loved him. And to an extent, still do today. I don't wish bad things on him. I wish him happiness and a good life. And if we ever meet on the street again, I will smile and be thankful for all he taught me. He taught me that true love is a lot different than anything I had ever felt. So when I met my husband for the first time, and we fell in love...

I knew this was it. This was the man I was going to spending the rest of my life with. I think I knew after our first fight, and the first tear fell, and I didn't want to be mad anymore... I just wanted to curl up into his arms and stay there forever. He became my comforter, my best friend, my confident. I knew I wouldn't be completely without this man. And trust me, we've had enough bumps in the road to make sure we would work. I can't imagine my life without him.

How did you know you were in love? Have you been in love more than once? Is that possible? I want to know. Here is what I have found so far:

Wikianswers.com "if you ask, you either doubt your feelings, in which case you aren't truly in love, or you don't know if the relationship will/would work out, which is an altogether different question, since being truly in love isn't enough for a successful relationship, though it's a good start, especially if by "you" you mean "both of you".

yahoo.com "i doubt anybody can really explain this no matter how detailed it is, and how hard they try. i asked my friend this question the other day and he said that just because your passionate about someone, or you love them, doesn't mean you are in love with them. People usually say that being in love means you want to spend the rest of your life with that person, but if you think you can spending the rest of your life with them. I doubt it is really love. You've got to find someone you can't live without :)"

beliefnet.com "Being in love is an altered state. Suddenly your life is focused on another person and you can't bear being separated from him or her. You are in a bubble of fantasy, feeling overcome and giddy. Love for another person, in contrast, is closer to appreciation and affection. Love is fairly reasonable, while being in love is more like a prolonged seizure, not literally sick or crazy, but one of those ordinary, positive ecstasies that take you out of ordinary life and introduce you to something new."

I wanna know what you think love is...

Downtime

I am at work and while on a bit of down time decided I would update this thing. I still find myself not have adequate time to update and that makes me sad. But really... how many people are really dying to read this? Probably not a lot, so I don't stress myself on it.

I have started a new job at Land/Home Financial and can honestly say, this is the happiest I have been at a job since Circuit City. That's like 3 years! I feel so blessed! Things are falling into place and now that I have said that, something will soon fall out of place :) I am working with some people I have worked with for quite sometime and LOVE it. This is the best!

Tom and I are continuing to prepare for the Temple- which is by far the biggest blessing in my life. I feel so grateful to have this opportunity. It is not too far away and I am excited to have people from our families travel and join us for our most special day. With preparing for the Temple, I have gained a strong testimony of paying tithing. I really didn't think much of it before, as we only paid when we felt we had the money to pay. Being that in order to enter the Temple, we have to be full tithe payers, we started to pay our tithing in full and sometimes that hurt. Instead of using the money to put away for rent, here we are writing out checks that could be used for something we need or want. But, I never was nervous about it. I felt so calm and collected, like the Spirit was telling me that we would be ok. If we followed the Lord's commandment and gave back 10% of what He gives us, we will be blessed. And blessed we have been. I am no longer worried about making rent. I know we will have the money, even though we don't have it yet. I am no longer worried about paying back our loans or making our bills. I just know it will be ok. And so far, I haven't been proven wrong. Tom was given more hours this week (like 11 more hours) and my work will pay me right away, even though I just started. And I owe it all to our Heavenly Father. And my sister told me this while I was in Wyoming for Morgan's birthday. She said, "Jason and I know that when we pay tithing, something always works out." I am so blessed that she is a member. I feel so much closer to her now than I ever have. I am excited for the possibility of her joining Tom and I in the Temple for our sealing. God has blessed us.

I have to remember that even when things don't go exactly to plan, that God has something better in store. That is so hard for me to remember sometimes, especially when I want it so desperately and right then!!! I know He has a plan. I know He knows what He is doing. I just have to have hope. And faith.

I feel like most of my blogs center around my faith. And I kind of enjoy that. I don't express it very often- although I hope to get better at it. I feel so happy to have this in my life. I felt like I was looking for it for so long.

"Hope is a good thing. And no good thing ever dies." ~Shawshank Redemption

Updates and thank yous!

I have so much I want/need to put up:

- The baby of Tom's family graduated high school!

-Tom and I's trip to Wyoming to go to a memorial service/family union

- We went through SLC on our way and I got to see an old friend (12 years now) and that was AMAZING!!! And spend some quality with the grandparents.

- Going the the opening house and going to see baptisms being done in the SLC Temple (I had an ear infection and couldn't do them :( but I at least got to go into the Temple for the first time with my grandparents)

- Spending time with my most beautiful niece.

- Telling my mom I was sorry... and for the first time, feeling my heart broke for her and all that she has gone through. I am so thankful for my mom. She truly is a beautiful women and has so much to offer this world. I am so lucky to have her in my life and to have such a wonderful relationship with her. Thanks Mom!

- Tom and I preparing for the Temple.

- My CALLING as a primary teacher for the sunbeams.

- Doors opening in my life that I wasn't sure was going to happen. I am going full commission at my job starting tomorrow and am going to go back to school and get my degree to teach!!! :)

So much has happened. And I feel like I don't have anytime to write... but that is a good thing.

I wanted to spend a few moments to thank some people who I have never really had the oppurtunity to thank. As I continue to prepare for time and all eternity with my husband, I continue to look back at people who have influenced my faith and who have lived their lives through the Gospel. I am brought back to when it first started 12 years ago:

My grandparents are the ones who really introduced me to the Church. I am so thankful they brought me the Gospel. I would not be here without them. Their example of marriage and of unconditional love is amazing.

The McQuade family as a whole but more specifically... Maggie was my first Mormon friend and she lived life so full and so happily growing up, and now as I see her with her family, I know God has truly blessed her. Her faith showed me so much and I will never forget the trip she invited me on to go see the Billings Temple open house. It was then that I felt the Spirit stronger than I ever had and I will never forget it. That and the joke her dad told me about the cemetary and people just dying to get in... haha!

Lacey- growing up she was probably one of my favorites and I still love her to death. I love her curls and her happiness radiates throughout any room she walks into. As I follow her blog about her waiting for Mark, I am inspired and touched at her faith. And I know that it is only through her faith and the Gospel that the love she has with Mark has lasted and is going to be for time and all eternity.

Nicole Madsen, Paige Murdock, Amanda Whitlock and Randi Jones- when I first starting investigating it was these girls that held my hand and helped me investigate. I took a few lessons, went to a few instiute classes and YW, even the activities and while I wasn't able to get baptized until I was 18, they never gave up on me. And even when I stopped investigating, they still asked and I believe still prayed for me.

My sister- I am so thankful that my sister is a member as well. Having someone in my family that understands and that will be there the day I get sealed is so amazing. I am so blessed that God provided her with the oppurtunity to hear the Gospel and that we can talked about the Church. She really has become one of my best friends and I never thought that would happen.

Aubrie Larson- throughout college, this little lady tried so hard to get me to go to institute and to go to activities with her... and while I never went... her persistance lived on in my heart and when I decided to get baptized, she was one of the first people I told. Her faith and testimony are amazing and I am so thankful to have met her and to have her in my life.

My husband- who since we started dating, showed me what life would be like with the Church and the Gospel in my life. It was amazing to me that even though he wasn't active how rightous of a life he still lead. I believe that is what made me start investigating again. He was so happy and he wasn't partying or doing bad things, he had that something I wanted. As we continue to grow together with the Gospel in our lives, I couldn't be more in love with him and I believe with everything I have that it is because of our faith in Christ that we are as strong as we are!

My mom- for letting me investigate and helping me make choices. It hasn't always been easy and I know she doesn't always agree with the Church. but her support is amazing.

I can't say it enough.... I am so thankful for the Gospel. My life is so much better now that it is in my life. I can't imagine where I would be without it. While it hasn't been the easiest road I have ever traveled, it is SO worth it. So thank you... all of you for making a difference in my life. I cannot wait to be with my husband for time and all eternity. I cannot wait to have a family of my own and know that we will be sealed together forever. I simply just cannot wait.

P.S. Pictures will go up soon of the trip home via SLC!